Nobody expects the Monty Python Reunion

A quick transcript of me reading the BBC News website during my lunch-break today...

BBC Website	Trouble at Co-op.
Jago	Oh no. What sort of trouble?
BBC Website	Ed Miliband has accused David Cameron of "unjustified smears" over claims about Labour's links to disgraced ex-Co-op Bank chairman Paul Flowers.
Jago	Pardon?
BBC Website	Ed Miliband has accused David Cameron of "unjustified smears" over claims about Labour's links to disgraced ex-Co-op Bank chairman Paul Flowers.
Jago	I don't understand what you're saying
BBC Website	(slightly irritated and with exaggeratedly clear accent) Ed Miliband has accused David Cameron of "unjustified smears" over claims about Labour's links to disgraced ex-Co-op Bank chairman Paul Flowers.
Jago	Well what on earth does that mean?
BBC Website	I don't know. I’ve been told to display the news that Mr. Miliband has accused David Cameron of “smears” over Co-op. - I didn't expect the Monty Python reunion.
	Jarring chord. The link is clicked and the web page displays the news that Monty Python are to reunite for a one-off show in London.
Palin	Nobody expects the Monty Python Reunion! Our chief weapon is satire...satire and surrealism...surrealism and satire.... our two weapons are surrealism and satire...and collage stop motion animations.... Our three weapons are surrealism, satire, and collage stop motion animations....and an almost fanatical devotion to a dead parrot.... Our four...no... amongst our weapons.... amongst our weaponry...are such elements as surrealism, satire.... I'll refresh the web page. (exit and exeunt)
BBC Website	I didn't expect a kind of Monty Python reunion.
	The link is clicked again. Jarring chord.
Palin	Nobody expects the Monty Python reunion! Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as surrealism, satire, collage stop motion animations and an almost fanatical devotion to a dead parrot, and silly walks - oh damn! (to Gilliam) I can't say it; you'll have to say it.
Gilliam	What?
Palin	You'll have to say the bit about 'Our chief weapons are ...'
Gilliam	I couldn't do that...
	Palin bundles the Pythons outside.
BBC Website	I didn't expect a kind of Monty Python reunion.
	They all enter.
Gilliam	Er.... Nobody...um....
Palin	Expects.
Gilliam	Expects... Nobody expects the...um...the Monty...um...
Palin	Python.
Gilliam	I know...I know! Nobody expects the Monty Python reunion. In fact, those who do expect...
Palin	Our chief weapons are...
Gilliam	Our chief weapons are...um...er...
Palin	Satire.
Gilliam	Satire and...
Palin	Stop. Stop there! Stop there. Whew! Our chief weapon is satire, blah, blah, blah, blah. Terry, read the leak.
Jones	The reunion will be a one-off live show in London next July. Brian, come and clean your room out... .

Bring Out Your Gay!

In the unlikely event you haven’t read this weeks news about the banned  “Gay Cure” bus adverts booked by the Core Issues Trust click here. Similarly if you haven’t read Lord Carey’s bigoted rant in the Telegraph click here. Finally I’ll take it as read that, like me, you know your Holy Grail verbatim.

MIKE DAVIDSON:  Bring out your gay!
      [clang]
      Bring out your gay!
      [clang]
      Bring out your gay!
      [clang]
      Bring out your gay!
      [clang]
      Bring out your gay!
      [clang]
      Bring out your gay!
      [clang]
      Bring out your gay!
      [clang]
      Bring out your gay!
      [clang]
      Bring out your gay!
      [clang]
      Bring out your gay!
      [clang]
      Bring out your gay!
      [clang]
      Bring out your gay!

  CHRISTIAN:  Here's one -- where's the cure?

  GAY PERSON:  I'm not gay!

  MIKE DAVIDSON:  What?

  CHRISTIAN:  Nothing – where’s the cure?

  GAY PERSON:  I'm not gay!

  MIKE DAVIDSON:  Here -- he says he's not gay!

  CHRISTIAN:  Yes, he is.

  GAY PERSON:  I'm not!

  MIKE DAVIDSON:  He isn't.

  CHRISTIAN:  Well, he will be very soon, he knows the names of lots of colours and he’s very well coordinated.

  GAY PERSON:  I fancy that Katy Price bird with the big knockers!

  CHRISTIAN:  No, you don't -- you like that nice Mr. Clooney.

  MIKE DAVIDSON:  Oh, I can't cure him like that -- it's against regulations.

  GAY PERSON:  I don't want to be cured!

  CHRISTIAN:  Oh, don't be such a baby.

  MIKE DAVIDSON:  I can't cure him...

  GAY PERSON:  I feel heterosexual!

  CHRISTIAN:  Oh, do us a favor...

  MIKE DAVIDSON:  I can't.

  CHRISTIAN:  Well, can you hang around a couple of minutes?  He’ll listen to his musicals again in a minute.

  MIKE DAVIDSON:  Naaah, I got to go on to Elton John's -- they've got loads.

  CHRISTIAN:  Well, when is your next round?

  MIKE DAVIDSON:  Thursday.

  GAY PERSON:  I think I'll go and buy a copy of Nuts magazine.

  CHRISTIAN:  You're not fooling anyone y'know.  Look, isn't there something you can do?

  GAY PERSON:  I feel straight… I feel straight.

      [reparative therapy]

  CHRISTIAN:  Ah, thanks very much.

  MIKE DAVIDSON:  Not at all.  See you on Thursday.

  CHRISTIAN:  Right.

      [Lord Carey chips in with a warning about Christian’s being vilified]

 BORIS JOHNSON:  Who's that then?

 KEN LIVINGSTONE:  I don't know.

 BORIS JOHNSON:  Must be a former Arch Bishop.

 KEN LIVINGSTONE:  Why?

 BORIS JOHNSON:  He's talking shit.

CORNFIELDS

David Mabus must be very tired today after an awfully busy day on twitter. Here's a transcript...

Mr Jago: Morning

Mabus: Morning Mr Jago

Mr Jago: What have you got, then?

Mabus: Well, there's Nostradamus and Goats on Fire; Nostradamus boobquake and Goats on Fire; Nostradamus and CORNFIELDS; Nostradamus, Goats on Fire and CORNFIELDS; Nostradamus, Goats on Fire, boobquake and CORNFIELDS; CORNFIELDS, Goats on Fire, boobquake and CORNFIELDS; CORNFIELDS, Nostradamus, CORNFIELDS, CORNFIELDS, Goats on Fire and CORNFIELDS; CORNFIELDS, CORNFIELDS, CORNFIELDS, Nostradamus and CORNFIELDS; CORNFIELDS, CORNFIELDS, CORNFIELDS, CORNFIELDS, CORNFIELDS, CORNFIELDS, crystal night, CORNFIELDS, CORNFIELDS, CORNFIELDS and CORNFIELDS; or Depeche Mode with a fried Nostradamus on top and CORNFIELDS.

Mrs Jago: Have you got anything without CORNFIELDS in it?

Mabus: Well, there's CORNFIELDS Nostradamus boobquake and CORNFIELDS, that's not got much CORNFIELDS in it.

Mrs Jago: I don't want ANY CORNFIELDS!

Mr Jago: Why can't she have Nostradamus, Goats on Fire, CORNFIELDS and boobquake?

Mrs Jago: That's got CORNFIELDS in it!

Mr Jago: Not as much as CORNFIELDS, Nostradamus, boobquake and CORNFIELDS.

Mrs Jago: Look, could I have Nostradamus, Goats on Fire, CORNFIELDS and boobquake without the CORNFIELDS.

Mabus: Uuuuuuggggh!

Mrs Jago: What d'you mean uuugggh! I don't like CORNFIELDS

Trolls (singing) CORNFIELDS, CORNFIELDS, CORNFIELDS, CORNFIELDS, CORNFIELDS ... CORNFIELDS, CORNFIELDS, CORNFIELDS, CORNFIELDS ... lovely CORNFIELDS, wonderful CORNFIELDS ... Brief stock shot of trolls.

Mabus: Shut up. Shut up! Shut up! You can't have Nostradamus, Goats on Fire, CORNFIELDS and boobquake without the CORNFIELDS.

Mrs Jago: Why not!

Mabus: No, it wouldn't be Nostradamus, Goats on Fire, CORNFIELDS and boobquake, would it.

Mrs Jago: I don't like CORNFIELDS!

Mr Jago: Don't make a fuss, dear. I'll have your CORNFIELDS. I love them. I'm having CORNFIELDS, CORNFIELDS, CORNFIELDS, CORNFIELDS, CORNFIELDS ...

Trolls (singing) CORNFIELDS, CORNFIELDS, CORNFIELDS, CORNFIELDS ...

Mr Jago: ... crystal night, CORNFIELDS, CORNFIELDS and CORNFIELDS.

Mabus: crystal night is off.

Mr Jago: Well can I have CORNFIELDS instead?

Mabus: You mean CORNFIELDS, CORNFIELDS, CORNFIELDS, CORNFIELDS, CORNFIELDS, CORNFIELDS, CORNFIELDS, CORNFIELDS, CORNFIELDS, CORNFIELDS?

Trolls (still singing) CORNFIELDS, CORNFIELDS, CORNFIELDS, CORNFIELDS ... (etc.)

Mr Jago: Yes.

Mabus: Arrggh!

Trolls: .. . lovely CORNFIELDS, wonderful, CORNFIELDS.

Mabus: Shut up! Shut up!

Created entirely with search and replace.

Here's a quick reference manual for anyone interested in learning the fine art of trolling from the man himself

Monty Python’s Life of Simon

[Simon approaches the British Chiropractic Association’s headquarters at night, and starts painting something on the wall. He does not, however, see a group of lawyers approaching from behind him, led by Mr Justice Eady who reads his writing.]


Eady: What's this then? 'The BCA happily promote bogus treatments.' Practitioners represented by the BCA knowingly promote ineffectual treatments?

Simon: It means the BCA blithely promote un-evidenced treatments.

Eady: No, it doesn’t. What’s the definition of ‘happily”? Come on …

Simon: Aaaah

Eady: Come on.

Simon: Ah, naively?

Eady: Knowingly?

Simon: Ah, no, no, unknowingly

Eady: so implying the BCA are simply misguided is?

Simon: Stupidly?

Eady: Stupidly.

[Eady crosses out ‘happily’ and writes in ‘stupidly’]

Eady: Bogus? What is bogus?

Simon: False?

Eady: Render the adjective into medical terminology.

Simon: Uh. Ineffectual – Uh.. Inefficacious, sham.

Eady: So Bogus is?

Simon: Ah, uh, Lacking in any reliable scientific evidence. Sham.

[Eady takes the brush again and crosses out ‘bogus’ and writes ‘sham’]

Eady: But ‘Science, Reason and Critical Thinking’ is a satirical blog so you must use?

Simon: The colloquial.

Eady: Which is?

Simon: Ahm. Oh, oh, um Spine Wizard, Spine Wizard.

Eady: How many Spine Wizards?

Simon: Ah. Plural, plural… Spine Wizards, Spine Wizards

Eady: Spine Wizards.

[He crosses out ‘BCA’ and writes ‘Spine Wizards’]

Eady: So the CAM practitioners promote sham treatments do they boy?

Simon: Happily.

[Eady takes out a writ and prepares to serve it to Simon]

Simon: Ahh! No, not happily, not happily promote, sir. Ah. Uh. Stupidly er peddle, stupidly peddle.

Eady: So Spine Wizards aren't liars they’re just…

Simon: Dipshits. Aagh! ah.

Eady: Dipshits. Understand?

Simon: Yes, sir.

Eady: Now get it linked on hundred other blogs.

Simon: Yes Sir. Thanks you, sir. Hail Palmer, sir.

Eady: Hail Palmer. And if it’s not done by sunrise, I’ll sue your balls off.

Simon: Oh, thank you, sir. Thank you, sir. Hail Palmer and everything, sir Oh!

[Eady walks off]

[Dawn and ‘Spine wizards stupidly peddle sham treatments’ is plastered all over the BCA’s headquarters in letters a hundred feet high]


Hat tip to Jack of Kent who suggested that there might be some mileage in this particular python sketch.

The Parliamentary Select Committee Who Say... "Evidence"

Last night I spent several hours watching the The Parliamentary Science and Technology Select Committee on homeopathy.


Witnesses:

Professor Jayne Lawrence - Royal Pharmaceutical Society of Great Britain

Robert Wilson - British Association of Homeopathic Manufacturers

Paul Bennett - Boots

Tracey Brown - Sense About Science

Dr Ben Goldacre - The Guardian

Dr Peter Fisher - Royal London Homeopathic Hospital

Professor Edzard Ernst - Complementary Medicine Group, Peninsula Medical School

Dr James Thallon - NHS West Kent

Dr Robert Mathie - British Homeopathic Association

As it took me a little while to get through it all, I thought I’d help you out by doing a quick summary via the medium of Python.



EVAN HARRIS: Evidence! Evidence! Evidence! Evidence!

ROBERT WILSON: Who are you?

EVAN HARRIS: We are the Parliamentary Science and Technology select committee who say … Evidence

ROBERT WILSON: No! Not the Parliamentary Science and Technology select committee Who Say Evidence!

EVAN HARRIS: The same!

PAUL BENNETT: Who are they?

EVAN HARRIS: We are the scrutinisers of Government Policy: Evidence, Proof, and Efficacy!

GOLDACRE: Efficacy!

ROBERT WILSON: Those who see them seldom escape regulation!

EVAN HARRIS: The Parliamentary select committee who say Evidence demand evidence to support government policy!

PAUL BENNETT: Parliamentary select committee, we are but simple snake oil salesmen who seek the profit that can be made from the credulous.

EVAN HARRIS: Evidence! Evidence! Evidence! Evidence!

ROBERT WILSON and HOMEOPATHY SUPPORTERS: Oh, ow!

EVAN HARRIS: We shall say 'evidence' again to you if you do not appease us.

ROBERT WILSON: Well, what is it you want?

EVAN HARRIS: We want... unequivocal positive meta-analysis!

[dramatic chord]

ROBERT WILSON: for what?

EVAN HARRIS: Evidence! Evidence!

ROBERT WILSON and HOMEOPATHY SUPPORTERS: Oh, ow!

ROBERT WILSON: Please, please! No more! We have evidence for Arnica.

EVAN HARRIS: You must return here with positive meta-analysis to support that a homeopathic arnica remedy is effective beyond placebo in preventing bruising or we will not approve your homeopathic remedies on the NHS!

ROBERT WILSON: O Parliamentary select committee who say Evidence, you are just and fair, and we will return with evidence for an Arnica remedy.

EVAN HARRIS: One that looks nice.

ROBERT WILSON: Of course.

EVAN HARRIS: And not too expensive.

ROBERT WILSON: Yes.

EVAN HARRIS: Now... go!

The 10:23 Secret Practice Video

On 30th January 2010 over 300 skeptics are expected to take part in a homeopathic "overdose" as part of the 10:23 Campaign.

The 10:23 Campaign is a national movement headed by the Merseyside Skeptics Society, which aims to raise awareness of homeopathy, a multi-million pound industry based on a long-discredited 18th century ritual, selling remedies to the public which have no scientific basis and no credible evidence for their efficacy beyond the placebo effect.

The homeopathic "overdoses" will take part in towns across the UK and videos of each event will be uploaded to the 10:23 website.

However, Science, Reason & Critical Thinking can exclusively reveal the video of the 10:23 practice run.



inspired by a suggestion of Jack of Kent

Python in Boots

I Overheard Simon Perry in a chemists the other day talking to the director of Boots, Paul Bennett …

PERRY: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.

(Paul Bennett does not respond.)

PERRY: 'Ello, Miss?

BENNETT: What do you mean "miss"?

PERRY: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!

BENNETT: We're closin' for lunch.

PERRY: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this homeopathic remedy what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very Boots.

BENNETT: Oh yes, the, uh, the 30C Wolfsbane...What's, uh...What's wrong with it?

PERRY: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. It’s ineffective, that's what's wrong with it!

BENNETT: No, no, many people believe it to be effective.

PERRY: Look, matey, I know an ineffective remedy when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.

BENNETT: No no we sell it because, some people believe it works'! Remarkable remedy, the 30C Wolfsbane. Beautiful packaging!

PERRY: The packaging don't enter into it. It's ineffective.

BENNETT: Nononono, no, no! 'Some people believe it works!

PERRY: All right then, if people believe it works I’ll ask them!
(Shouting at other customers)
'Ello, Mister Edzard Ernst! I've got a lovely research grant for you if you tell me you believe homeopathy works

(Bennett mutters "Ja")

BENNETT: There, he said yes!

PERRY: No, he didn't, that was you doing a dodgy German accent!

BENNETT: I never!!

PERRY: Yes, you did!

BENNETT: I never, never said anything...

PERRY: (yelling and hitting the package repeatedly) 'ELLO EDZARD!
Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! Do you believe homeopathy to be effective?
(Takes pills out of the package and swallows the lot. Throws empty packet up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)

PERRY: Now that's what I call an ineffective remedy.

BENNETT: No, no.....No, it’s an aggravation!

PERRY: AGGRAVATION?

BENNETT: Yeah! A healing crisis. You’ve got to get worse before you get better.

PERRY: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That remedy is definitely ineffective, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of efficacy was due to it bein' diluted and succussed following a prolonged potentization.

BENNETT: Well, it’s probably your susceptibility attracting miasms.

PERRY: SUSCEPTIBILITY attracting MIASMS? What kind of talk is that? Why isn’t there any scientific evidence to support its efficacy?

BENNETT: The 30C Wolfsbane's been through several homeopathic provings. Remarkable remedy, id'nit, squire? Lovely packaging!

PERRY: Look, I took the liberty of examining that remedy when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that some people find it effective is the PLACEBO effect.

(pause)

BENNETT: Well, o'course there’s the placebo effect. If it didn’t have the placebo effect it wouldn’t do anything. If that remedy didn’t have the placebo it couldn’t cure you.

PERRY: CURE? Mate, this remedy wouldn't "cure" if it had had four million dilutions it’s bleedin' useless!

BENNETT: No no! Its aggravations!

PERRY: It's not aggravations! It's ineffective! This remedy is useless! It is completely ineffectual! It’s a pseudo-therapy! It’s inept! Bereft of active ingredients it doesn’t work! If it wasn’t for the placebo it would have no therapeutic effect whatsoever. It’s scientifically implausible. It’s completely absurd. The purported mechanisms of its action fly in the face of our understanding of chemistry, physics, pharmacology and physiology. THIS IS AN INEFFECTIVE REMEDY.

(pause)

BENNETT: Well, I'd better replace it, then.

(he takes a quick peek behind the counter)

BENNETT: Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of effective homeopathic remedies.

PERRY: I see. I see, I get the picture.

BENNETT: I’ve got some Evening Primrose.

(pause)

PERRY: (sweet as sugar) Pray, does it cure?

BENNETT: Nnnnot really.

PERRY: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?

BENNETT: Look, if you go to my brother's pharmacy in Bolton, he'll sell you some science based medicine.

PERRY: Bolton, eh? Very well.

(Perry leaves)

With Special Thanks to the Merseyside Skeptics Society

Skeptics in the Pub

I believe "Skeptics in the Pub – London", was the original and the first SitP and is now well into its 10^th year. It is also apparently the world’s largest pub meeting. The bulging attendance suggests that London could easily support a second event so I am very much looking forward to the first Skeptics in the Pub – Westminster, next month.

Hence, I thought this might be a good time to reflect upon how I came to be involved with the Skeptics in the Pub. As luck would have it, I happened to transcribe my first meeting with Sid Rodrigues, Norman Hansen, Tracy King and Chris French…

CRISPIAN: Are you the Skeptics in the Pub Westminster?

SID: Fuck off!

CRISPIAN: What?

SID: Skeptics in the Pub Westminster. We're the Skeptics in the Pub London! Skeptics in the Pub Westminster. Cawk.

NORMAN: Wankers.

CRISPIAN: Can I... join your group?

SID: No. Piss off.

CRISPIAN: I didn't want to be an IT Consultant. It's only a job. I hate the Believers as much as anybody.

SITP: Shhhh. Shhhh. Shhh. Shh. Shhhh.

SID: Schtum.

TRACY: Are you sure?

CRISPIAN: Oh, dead sure. I hate the Believers already.

SID: Listen. If you really wanted to join the S.i.t.P. you'd have to really hate the Believers.

CRISPIAN: I do!

SID: Oh, yeah? How much?

CRISPIAN: A lot!

SID: Right. You're in. Listen. The only people we hate more than the Believers are the fucking Skeptics in the Pub Westminster.

SITP: Yeah...

TRACY: Splitters.

SITP: Splitters...

NORMAN: And the Skeptics in the Pub Oxford.

SITP: Yeah. Oh, yeah. Splitters. Splitters...

CHRIS: And the Skeptics in the Pub London.

SITP: Yeah. Splitters. Splitters...

SID: What?

CHRIS: The Skeptics in the Pub London. Splitters.

SID: We're the Skeptics in the Pub London!

CHRIS: Oh. I thought we were Westminster.

SID: London! C-huh.

NORMAN: Whatever happened to the Westminster Skeptics, Sid?

SID: He's on sabbatical while he writes his book.

SITP: Splitter!

Chiropractors, Nudge Nudge

I was reading this blog on the involvement that the Trading Standards have with the General Chiropractic Council, and it occurred to me that CAM practitioners might need to start being a little less candid with their claims.

Therefore those serious CAM believers seeking well wacky woo-woo therapies might have to fish a little a bit more to see how far their practitioners are willing to go.

Once again, this put me in mind of a python sketch….


CAM Patient: 'Evening, squire!

Chiropractor’s Receptionist: (stiffly) Good evening.

CAM Patient: Does, uh,... Does your chiropractor treat colic, eh? Know whatahmean, know whatahmean, nudge nudge, know whatahmean, say no more?

Chiropractor’s Receptionist: I, uh, I beg your pardon?

CAM Patient: Your, uh, your chiropractor, does she treat, eh, does she treat infant colic, eh?

Chiropractor’s Receptionist: (flustered) Well, you may see improvements in some types of infant colic, yes.

CAM Patient: Aaaaaaaah I bet you do, I bet you do, say no more, say no more, know whatahmean, nudge nudge?

Chiropractor’s Receptionist: (confused) Are you, uh,... are you from the Trading Standards?

CAM Patient: Trading Standards. Trading Standards. That's good, that's good! An anecdote is as good as a clinical trial to a desperate patient!

Chiropractor’s Receptionist: Would you like to arrange a session?

CAM Patient: Session! Very good, very good! Ay? Ay? Ay?(pause) Oooh! Ya alternative Ay! alternative Ay! Oooh hooh! Say No MORE!

Chiropractor’s Receptionist: Well, I, uh....

CAM Patient: Does, your uh, does your chiropractor believe that partial displacements of the vertebrae cause a perturbation of the distribution of nervous impulses to tissues and cells, ay?

Chiropractor’s Receptionist: Um, she believes in subluxations, yes!

CAM Patient: I bet she does, I bet she does!

Chiropractor’s Receptionist: As a matter of fact she believes in the innate life force.

CAM Patient: 'Oo doesn't? Believe in the innate life force, eh? Knew she would. Likes energy, eh? She's done a bit of complementary medicine eh, a bit of complementary medicine?

Chiropractor’s Receptionist: She is a CAM practioner, yes. She studied homeopathy.

(pause)

CAM Patient: SAY NO MORE!! Homeopathy, saynomore, saynomore, saynomore, squire!

Chiropractor’s Receptionist: I wasn't going to!

CAM Patient: Oh! Well, never mind. Dib dib? Is your uh, is your chiropractor interested in... acupuncture, ay? meridians, ay', he asked him knowingly?

Chiropractor’s Receptionist: Acupuncture?

CAM Patient: Prick, prick, grin grin, wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more?

Chiropractor’s Receptionist: For pain relief, eh?

CAM Patient: Could be, could be for pain relief. Or other illnesses casused by blockages or imbalances in Qi?

Chiropractor’s Receptionist: No, no I'm afraid we don't have any needles.

CAM Patient: Oh.(leeringly) Still, mooooooh, ay? Mwoohohohohoo, ay? Hohohohohoho, ay?

Chiropractor’s Receptionist: Look... do you want alternative therapy?

CAM Patient: Oh, no, no, no... yes.

Chiropractor’s Receptionist: Well?

CAM Patient: Well, you're a man of the world, squire.

Chiropractor’s Receptionist: Yes...

CAM Patient: I mean, you've been around a bit, you know, like, you've, uh... You've 'done it'...

Chiropractor’s Receptionist: What do you mean?

CAM Patient: Well, I mean like,... you've been treated by a chiropractor...

Chiropractor’s Receptionist: Yes...

CAM Patient: Does it actually work?

Life of Brian V Spinal Tap

This post is really just a pathetic and sad excuse to namedrop the fact that last night Jack of Kent and I had a very nice chat with John Cleese about science and religion.


On the topic of science and religion, I think there is a large overlap between my thoughts and Mr Cleese’s. However, I got the distinct impression that he is far less keen on the Dawkins style promotion of atheism than I am. So I was going to use this quick post to reiterate why I think Dawkins is having a positive effect on our culture by re-examining my two all time favourite films, namely Monty Python’s Life of Brian and This is Spinal Tap.

Firstly, the similarities between the two films. Although both films choose entirely different subjects to parody, there are a lot of similarities in the parody technique. I don’t see “Brian” as anti religious, and I don’t see “Tap”, as anti music. What each film does is examine the human absurdities that overtake the original passion for either the religion or the music. In Brian we can see how false dogmas and creeds may arise as a result of human ignorance and be amplified, controlled and organised beyond any of the original spirituality. Similarly in “Tap” we can see how the band loses sight of the music through blind devotion to periphery items such as sets, costumes, covers, amplifiers, pre gig snacks and the life style that shrouds the original musical spark.

In short “Brian” and “Tap” aren’t criticising religion or music, they’re pointing a satirical finger and saying look what these silly twats have done in the name of religion or music.

Now, finally to my point.

I clearly remember when “Brian” was originally released. I remember communities and cinemas, wishing to shield the public from it’s blasphemous content. I recall late night theological discussions. I remember the sense of hurt and indignation felt by many religious groups. When “Tap” was released, I do not recall throngs of offended musicians complaining. I don’t recall picket lines of slighted drummer’s outside the cinemas.

This is a prime example of Dawkins point on how religion tries to escape criticism and critical examination by simply taking offense and promoting a culture where such perceived blasphemy is unacceptable.

In their own ways I believe Python and Dawkins have both made good inroads in to removing religions underserved privileges in society. So I’m a big fan of them both.

Python Plagiarising for Singh – Part 2 (The Quest for the Evidence)

As the Singh V BCA case continues to unfold, I couldn’t help but notice that recent developments continue to fit nicely with the Python’s Holy Grail. Following on from Part 1, I have therefore summarised things once again with some simple plagiarising….

[clop clop]

KENT: Halt! Hallo! Hallo!

CHIRO #1: 'Allo! Who is zis?

KENT: It is Jack of Kent and these are the Skeptics from the Pub. Whose clinic is this?

CHIRO #1: This is the clinic of the British Chiropractic Association

KENT: Go and tell your president that we have been charged by Singh with a sacred quest. If he will join us on our quest for unequivocal evidence of the efficacy of chiropractic methods for the treatment of asthma and childhood diseases such as colic, we will cease our criticising of his methods.

CHIRO #1: Well, I'll ask him, but I don't think he'll be very keen... Uh, he's already got a plethora of evidence.

KENT: What?

LEWIS: He says they've got a plethora of evidence.

KENT: Are you sure he's got a plethora?

CHIRO #1: Oh, yes, it's very nice-a [To Other Chiro’s] I told him we already got a plethora.

OTHER CHIROS: [Laughing]

KENT: Well, um, can we come up and have a look?

CHIRO #1: Of course not! You are Skeptic types-a!

KENT: Well, what are you then?

CHIRO #1: I'm an Alternative Medicine Practitioner! Why do think I have these outrageous methods, you silly skeptic!

COLQUHOUN: What are you doing in regular medicine?

CHIRO #1: Mind your own business!

KENT: If you will not show us the plethora of evidence, we shall complain to the Advertising Standards Authority!

CHIRO #1: You don't frighten us, Skeptical pig-dogs! Go and boil your rational bottoms, sons of a critical thinker. I blow my nose at your, so-called Simon Singh, you and all your silly S-Skeptics. Thppppt!

GIMPY: What a strange person.

KENT: Now look here, my good man!

CHIRO #1: I don't want to talk to you no more, you placebo controlled double blind clinical trial conductor! I crack bones in your general direction! Your Stephen Fry is a rationalist and your Dawkins smells of reason.

ZENO27: Is there someone else up there we could talk to?

CHIRO #1: No, now go away or I shall sue you a second time-a!

KENT: Now, this is your last chance. I've been more than reasonable.

CHIRO #1: Right, take down the websites!

[Sound of web sites crashing all around and business cards burning]


To be continued …. Perhaps.

The Homeopathy Sketch

The nice thing about having a narrow readership of scientific and sceptical thinkers, is that you can take it for granted that they know their Python. So many thanks for all the positive comments on my previous post.

At the risk of over milking what seemed like a popular idea, I thought I’d take advantage of the Python boys once more in honour of homeopathy awareness week that starts today.