Friday 16 April 2010

Monty Python’s Life of Simon

[Simon approaches the British Chiropractic Association’s headquarters at night, and starts painting something on the wall. He does not, however, see a group of lawyers approaching from behind him, led by Mr Justice Eady who reads his writing.]

Eady: What's this then? 'The BCA happily promote bogus treatments.' Practitioners represented by the BCA knowingly promote ineffectual treatments?

Simon: It means the BCA blithely promote un-evidenced treatments.

Eady: No, it doesn’t. What’s the definition of ‘happily”? Come on …

Simon: Aaaah

Eady: Come on.

Simon: Ah, naively?

Eady: Knowingly?

Simon: Ah, no, no, unknowingly

Eady: so implying the BCA are simply misguided is?

Simon: Stupidly?

Eady: Stupidly.

[Eady crosses out ‘happily’ and writes in ‘stupidly’]

Eady: Bogus? What is bogus?

Simon: False?

Eady: Render the adjective into medical terminology.

Simon: Uh. Ineffectual – Uh.. Inefficacious, sham.

Eady: So Bogus is?

Simon: Ah, uh, Lacking in any reliable scientific evidence. Sham.

[Eady takes the brush again and crosses out ‘bogus’ and writes ‘sham’]

Eady: But ‘Science, Reason and Critical Thinking’ is a satirical blog so you must use?

Simon: The colloquial.

Eady: Which is?

Simon: Ahm. Oh, oh, um Spine Wizard, Spine Wizard.

Eady: How many Spine Wizards?

Simon: Ah. Plural, plural… Spine Wizards, Spine Wizards

Eady: Spine Wizards.

[He crosses out ‘BCA’ and writes ‘Spine Wizards’]

Eady: So the CAM practitioners promote sham treatments do they boy?

Simon: Happily.

[Eady takes out a writ and prepares to serve it to Simon]

Simon: Ahh! No, not happily, not happily promote, sir. Ah. Uh. Stupidly er peddle, stupidly peddle.

Eady: So Spine Wizards aren't liars they’re just…

Simon: Dipshits. Aagh! ah.

Eady: Dipshits. Understand?

Simon: Yes, sir.

Eady: Now get it linked on hundred other blogs.

Simon: Yes Sir. Thanks you, sir. Hail Palmer, sir.

Eady: Hail Palmer. And if it’s not done by sunrise, I’ll sue your balls off.

Simon: Oh, thank you, sir. Thank you, sir. Hail Palmer and everything, sir Oh!

[Eady walks off]

[Dawn and ‘Spine wizards stupidly peddle sham treatments’ is plastered all over the BCA’s headquarters in letters a hundred feet high]

Hat tip to Jack of Kent who suggested that there might be some mileage in this particular python sketch.


mymatedave said...

Works deligtfully.

Grania said...

Love it

Michael Kingsford Gray said...

Abso-fucking-lutely BRILLIANT!
Best, so far...