A bogus transcript of the preliminary Singh V BCA hearing with a little help from the Pythons:
WOOS: A scientist! A scientist! A scientist! We've got a scientist! A scientist!
WOO #1: We have found a scientist, might we sue him?
WOOS: Sue him! Sue!
EADY: How do you know he is a scientist?
WOO #2: he looks like one.
EADY: Bring him forward.
SINGH: I'm not a scientist. I'm not a scientist. (I’m a science writer)
EADY: But you are dressed as one.
SINGH: They dressed me up like this.
WOOS: No, we didn't... no.
SINGH: And this isn't my test tube, it's a false one.
WOO #1: Well, we did do the test tube.
EADY: The test tube?
WOO #1: And the microscope -- but he is a scientist!
WOOS: Sue him! Scientist! Scientist! Sue him!
EADY: Did you dress him up like this?
WOOS: No, no... no ... yes. Yes, yes, a bit, a bit.
WOO #1: he's got a book.
EADY: What makes you think he is a scientist?
JAGO: He turned me into a nerd
WOO #3: Well, he asked me for evidence.
WOO #3: I faked it.
WOO #2: Sue him anyway!
WOOS: Sue! Sue him!
EADY: Quiet, quiet. Quiet! There are ways of telling whether he is a scientist.
WOOS: Are there? What are they? (Do they hurt)
EADY: Tell me, what do you do with scientists?
WOO #2: Sue them!
WOOS: Sue, Sue then!
EADY: And who do you sue apart from scientists?
WOO #1: More scientists!
WOO #2: bogus bloggers
EADY: So, why can scientists be sued?
WOO #3: B--... 'cause they're bogus...?
WOOS: Oh yeah, yeah...
EADY: So, how do we tell whether he is bogus?
WOO #1: Make unsubstantiated claims about him.
EADY: Aah, but can you not also make unsubstantiated claims about acupuncture?
WOO #2: Oh, yeah.
EADY: Do bogus claims get exposed in court?
WOO #1: No, no.
WOO #2: They’re vindicated! They’re vindicated!
WOO #1: Throw him into the courtroom!
WOOS: The courtroom!
EADY: What also gets vindicated in court?
WOO #1: Reiki!
WOO #2: Faith Healing!
WOO #3: Homeopathy!
WOO #1: Detoxification!
WOO #2: Cupping!
WOO #1: Ear Candles!
WOO #2: Vaccine denial!
WOO #3: Trepaning!
WOO #2: Herbal mdeicine – Herbal Medicine!
EADY: Exactly! So, logically...,
WOO #1: If... he.. weighs the same as a chiropractor, he's bogus.
EADY: And therefore--?
WOO #1: A scientist!
WOOS: A scientist!
EADY: We shall use my English Libel Laws!
EADY: Right, remove the justice!
WOOS: A scientist! A scientist!
SINGH: I shall appeal
Now with additional line, courtesy of Jack of Kent
Part 2 Now Available on all good browsers at an internet near you