Thursday 11 June 2009

Python Plagiarising for Singh - Part 1 (The Scientist Trial)

A bogus transcript of the preliminary Singh V BCA hearing with a little help from the Pythons:

WOOS: A scientist! A scientist! A scientist! We've got a scientist! A scientist!

WOO #1: We have found a scientist, might we sue him?

WOOS: Sue him! Sue!

EADY: How do you know he is a scientist?

WOO #2: he looks like one.

EADY: Bring him forward.

SINGH: I'm not a scientist. I'm not a scientist. (I’m a science writer)

EADY: But you are dressed as one.

SINGH: They dressed me up like this.

WOOS: No, we didn't... no.

SINGH: And this isn't my test tube, it's a false one.

EADY: Well?

WOO #1: Well, we did do the test tube.

EADY: The test tube?

WOO #1: And the microscope -- but he is a scientist!

WOOS: Sue him! Scientist! Scientist! Sue him!

EADY: Did you dress him up like this?

WOOS: No, no... no ... yes. Yes, yes, a bit, a bit.

WOO #1: he's got a book.

EADY: What makes you think he is a scientist?

JAGO: He turned me into a nerd

WOO #3: Well, he asked me for evidence.

EADY: Evidence?

WOO #3: I faked it.

WOO #2: Sue him anyway!

WOOS: Sue! Sue him!

EADY: Quiet, quiet. Quiet! There are ways of telling whether he is a scientist.

WOOS: Are there? What are they? (Do they hurt)

EADY: Tell me, what do you do with scientists?

WOO #2: Sue them!

WOOS: Sue, Sue then!

EADY: And who do you sue apart from scientists?

WOO #1: More scientists!

WOO #2: bogus bloggers

EADY: So, why can scientists be sued?


WOO #3: B--... 'cause they're bogus...?

EADY: Good!

WOOS: Oh yeah, yeah...

EADY: So, how do we tell whether he is bogus?

WOO #1: Make unsubstantiated claims about him.

EADY: Aah, but can you not also make unsubstantiated claims about acupuncture?

WOO #2: Oh, yeah.

EADY: Do bogus claims get exposed in court?

WOO #1: No, no.

WOO #2: They’re vindicated! They’re vindicated!

WOO #1: Throw him into the courtroom!

WOOS: The courtroom!

EADY: What also gets vindicated in court?

WOO #1: Reiki!

WOO #2: Faith Healing!

WOO #3: Homeopathy!

WOO #1: Detoxification!

WOO #2: Cupping!

WOO #1: Ear Candles!

WOO #2: Vaccine denial!

WOO #3: Trepaning!

WOO #2: Herbal mdeicine – Herbal Medicine!

McTimoney: Chiropractors.

WOOS: Oooh.

EADY: Exactly! So, logically...,

WOO #1: If... he.. weighs the same as a chiropractor, he's bogus.

EADY: And therefore--?

WOO #1: A scientist!

WOOS: A scientist!

EADY: We shall use my English Libel Laws!


EADY: Right, remove the justice!

(whop) (creak)

WOOS: A scientist! A scientist!

SINGH: I shall appeal

Now with additional line, courtesy of Jack of Kent

Part 2 Now Available on all good browsers at an internet near you


Hann said...

Fantastic. I've been dispairing of the world today, but this is beginning to rebuild my faith in humour, and humans. Thank you.

Cubik's Rube said...

Brilliant! I've made an effort at something similar on my blog, but it doesn't fit nearly so well as this. Very cool work.

Svetlana Pertsovich said...

Excellent! :)
Interestingly, why didn't I cognize you earlier? ;)
You have huge sense of humor.

Rationaist said...

Excellent and very funny, but sadly rather reflecting the real world! Well done.

Anonymous said...

Hilarious - and all too disconcertingly dead-on. :) Great job!

Flying Tigerpig said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA! Brilliant - but alas all too true.

Crispian Jago said...

Wow, thanks for the kind comments everyone. Much appreciated

Dave said...

A genuine LOL was had.

And then a little cry when I realised how close to reality it really was...

Jack of Kent said...

This is wonderful. I played the scene from my DVD, with no volume, reading this out instead...and it works!

I can claim credit for the "nerd" line...

Alice said...

WONDERFUL!!! Another blog I am glad to have found.

A scratch? Your credibility's off!
No it isn't!
Well what's that McTimoney letter then?
It's just an e-mail.

Rogue Medic said...

Very nice.

Interesting that my favorite line was the nerd line. Of course, that is my favorite line in the original, too.