Moo Moo Woo Woo

Here's a link to the Yeo Valley blog where they tell us all about additional treatments for their cows.

It appears that Steve, the herd manager, has been treating the cows with homeopathic treatments to ward off flies and ease stress. The blog even claims that:

"the use of homeopathic treatments not only helps to develop a more robust immune system, it also means no withdrawal periods for milk and meat while the animal is being treated, as would be the case when antibiotics are used."

Anyway, I thought up three possible reasons why Steve likes to use homeopathy:

1. As stated in the blog, giving the cattle antibiotics to clear up infections means they would not be able to use the milk and meat from the cow whilst it is undergoing treatment. Whereas pretending to treat the cattle with magic water that has no active ingredients (or proven medicinal effect), means that Yeo Valley can maximise their profits.
2. Yeo Valley's market research department have determined that their key market respond well to terms like "organic" and "natural" and probably think that homeopathy is a nice natural form of herbal remedy and are too stupid to realise they are simply giving their cattle inefficacious pretend "remedies" that contain bugger all.
3. Steve, really is credulous enough to believe that giving magic beans to poorly cows will make them all better.

Perhaps you can think of some more, or you could try an leave a comment on their blog, but I suspect they just publish the nice comments from the deluded people who support their pseudoscientific nonsense.

or you could say hello nicely on Twitter: @yeovalley



POSTSCRIPT:

Since posting this a number of people have contacted me to say they have left comments on the Yeo Valley blog, although I see none of them, including my perfectly friendly question, have passed moderation and been published. It seems Yeo Valley are only really interested in your comments if you happen to agree with their irrational alternative medicine policy.

I also received a copy of an email trail between a FB friend and Yeo Valley, which conisisted of a polite enquiry about their homeopathic policy, followed by a standard fob-off answer that did not address the question. My friend then followed the response up with a second email pressing them for information as to why they thought homeopathy worked, however it looks like the "Too hard" light must have come on in the marketing department, so they chose to simply ignore the follow up letter.

Oh, well, I suppose I'll have to boycott Yeo Valley, which is a real pisser because their mango and vanilla yoghurt is actually really nice. Bloody principles.


See Also: Another attempt to make the Soil Association see sense.

Homeopathy Venn Diagram Demographic Analysis

Following on from yesterday's leaked email from a panicked homeopathy administrator, I have now got hold of a leaked document from Boots marketing department who have cunningly used a Venn diagram to analyse the demographic of their potential homeopathy customers.
POSTSCRIPT:

OK, OK, I try and make a quick gag, and I get inundated by pedants complaining about the accuracy of the diagram. I should have known better. The following diagram is hopefully more accurate, although originally rejected as I was only really interested in the comic effect, and after all that's all Venn diagram's are really used for isn't it?

The Parliamentary Select Committee Who Say... "Evidence"

Last night I spent several hours watching the The Parliamentary Science and Technology Select Committee on homeopathy.


Witnesses:

Professor Jayne Lawrence - Royal Pharmaceutical Society of Great Britain

Robert Wilson - British Association of Homeopathic Manufacturers

Paul Bennett - Boots

Tracey Brown - Sense About Science

Dr Ben Goldacre - The Guardian

Dr Peter Fisher - Royal London Homeopathic Hospital

Professor Edzard Ernst - Complementary Medicine Group, Peninsula Medical School

Dr James Thallon - NHS West Kent

Dr Robert Mathie - British Homeopathic Association

As it took me a little while to get through it all, I thought I’d help you out by doing a quick summary via the medium of Python.



EVAN HARRIS: Evidence! Evidence! Evidence! Evidence!

ROBERT WILSON: Who are you?

EVAN HARRIS: We are the Parliamentary Science and Technology select committee who say … Evidence

ROBERT WILSON: No! Not the Parliamentary Science and Technology select committee Who Say Evidence!

EVAN HARRIS: The same!

PAUL BENNETT: Who are they?

EVAN HARRIS: We are the scrutinisers of Government Policy: Evidence, Proof, and Efficacy!

GOLDACRE: Efficacy!

ROBERT WILSON: Those who see them seldom escape regulation!

EVAN HARRIS: The Parliamentary select committee who say Evidence demand evidence to support government policy!

PAUL BENNETT: Parliamentary select committee, we are but simple snake oil salesmen who seek the profit that can be made from the credulous.

EVAN HARRIS: Evidence! Evidence! Evidence! Evidence!

ROBERT WILSON and HOMEOPATHY SUPPORTERS: Oh, ow!

EVAN HARRIS: We shall say 'evidence' again to you if you do not appease us.

ROBERT WILSON: Well, what is it you want?

EVAN HARRIS: We want... unequivocal positive meta-analysis!

[dramatic chord]

ROBERT WILSON: for what?

EVAN HARRIS: Evidence! Evidence!

ROBERT WILSON and HOMEOPATHY SUPPORTERS: Oh, ow!

ROBERT WILSON: Please, please! No more! We have evidence for Arnica.

EVAN HARRIS: You must return here with positive meta-analysis to support that a homeopathic arnica remedy is effective beyond placebo in preventing bruising or we will not approve your homeopathic remedies on the NHS!

ROBERT WILSON: O Parliamentary select committee who say Evidence, you are just and fair, and we will return with evidence for an Arnica remedy.

EVAN HARRIS: One that looks nice.

ROBERT WILSON: Of course.

EVAN HARRIS: And not too expensive.

ROBERT WILSON: Yes.

EVAN HARRIS: Now... go!

Homeopathy and Horse Racing

The day before the 10:23 campaign, I was asked to appear on BBC Radio Solent to discuss the campaign and explain why we were protesting against Boots for selling ineffective homeopathic remedies next to conventional medicines.

As usual the BBC assumed that two opposing arguments must be of equal weight and therefore put me up against a local homeopath. He was a very pleasant chap and put forward all of the arguments that you would expect him to put forward, and I’m sure the same could be said about all of the usual objections and rebuttals that I raised.

After about 15 minutes of discussing the same old arguments, the presenter threw the debate open to the phone lines in order for the listeners to comment and for me and the homeopath to respond to the listener comments. As the call-in audience where self selecting, I fully expected that those people who cared enough to phone in and participate in the debate would be those people who felt strongly about it. And of course the majority of people who feel strongly about it are believers, most disbelievers are presumably suitably disinterested enough to find something more productive to do with their morning.

So I endured 40 minutes of calls with people saying things along the lines of, “Well I took homeopathy and after a period of time my headache/ sore leg / dog got better, so it must work, there is no other possible explanation.”

To be fair to the presenter, he tried his best to redress the balance and reiterated my arguments of, “How do you know it just wouldn’t have got better anyway.”

Listening to the unfaltering faith of these callers, and their complete un-acceptance for any other possible reason for their eventual and gradual improvement put me in mind of a Derren Brown TV Show from a few years ago. I have used this programme before as an analogy in a previous blog, but once again I find it an excellent explanation for the state of mind of the homeopathic praising callers.

Allow me to briefly outline the programme I am referring to before returning to topic.

In a TV show a few years ago called “The System”, Derren Brown presented one lucky punter with a fool proof system for winning on the horses. Prior to the start of 5 consecutive races, Derren gave the fortunate lady the name of the winning horse and then successfully persuaded her to place a shed load of her own money on his predicted winner of the 6th and final race. The horses picked were sometimes outsiders and on occasion seemed to win by pure luck as a previous winning horse fell at the final fence allowing Derren’s predicted nag to romp home. From the perspective of the lucky punter, Derren had given her an unfailing system that correctly and unerringly predicted the winning horse every time. Despite logic stating that this is not possible, she was unable to deny the evidence she had personally witnessed and believed that against all odds he had come up with an incredible method of beating the system.

Of course the way the trick works is to start off with many potential people divide them up into groups and give each group a different prediction for the first race. After the first race, you apologise to all those in the groups who backed a losing horse and concentrate on those in the winning group. Again you divide this group up and ensure you have new groups to cover all of the horses in the second race. Once again you discard the losing groups and continue to split down the remaining participants. If you start off with enough people, there will be someone who just has to get the correct predictions for 5 consecutive races. And without the knowledge of the other people participating, the one lucky winner can see no other explanation for this amazing feat that seems to defy mere coincidence.

By taking a step back and looking at the wider picture, we can of course see the inevitable fortuitous coincidence that, the impacted individual is blinded from.

OK, now I can get back on point and you can probably finish the post off for yourselves.

Everyday thousands and thousands of people suffer from ailments such as back pain, headaches, period pains, depression and a whole host of other ailments that get better or worse over time. A group of these people will inevitably take an ineffective remedy and undoubtedly many will benefit from the placebo effect. However, even above and beyond the placebo effect some peoples conditions will inexplicably improve and in some rare cases, serious conditions may against all expectations go into remission.

As long as the homeopaths have enough people playing the system, statistics and probability will ensure that unexpected improvements will be attributed to sham treatments.

This means that as long as homeopathy and other ineffectual pseudo-sciences has a hold on a large number of people, we are guaranteed an unending supply of tedious anecdotes from those convinced that there just has to be something in it no matter what science, logic and evidence say.

Like the lucky horse race winner, the homeopathy supporting callers on the radio show used their instinct and trusted their own narrow view based on their personal experience. But just as a clear perspective of the horse racing trick can only be seen by taking a step back to see the wider picture, to measure the true efficacy of these bogus treatment we must step back from the anecdotes and view the wider and more accurate picture revealed by randomised, double blinded, placebo controlled clinical trials.

Confessions of a 10:23 Campaign Safety Officer

1023 Campaign Video from Southampton

And here's a few stills as well...

Me, giving a quick pre-overdose briefing

The Hampshire Woo-Pill Clan

If Water Has Memory ...

Why did Sir Clive Sinclair never invent this?
It would have been far less wobbly. Oh and if you're not a 40+ computer nerd and Alt-Med skeptic .... move along ... nothing to see here.

The 10:23 Secret Practice Video

On 30th January 2010 over 300 skeptics are expected to take part in a homeopathic "overdose" as part of the 10:23 Campaign.

The 10:23 Campaign is a national movement headed by the Merseyside Skeptics Society, which aims to raise awareness of homeopathy, a multi-million pound industry based on a long-discredited 18th century ritual, selling remedies to the public which have no scientific basis and no credible evidence for their efficacy beyond the placebo effect.

The homeopathic "overdoses" will take part in towns across the UK and videos of each event will be uploaded to the 10:23 website.

However, Science, Reason & Critical Thinking can exclusively reveal the video of the 10:23 practice run.



inspired by a suggestion of Jack of Kent

Non-misleading Homeopathic Packaging

The Ladybird Book of Homeopathic Treatment & High Street Chemists

Now Get Involved

Marvin The Homeopathic Android

It occurred to me that the Sirius Cybernetic Corporation may well be inept enough to install a homeopathic GPP chip into one of their robots...

Please sign up to the 10:23 campaign

Trust Boots?

Here's some suggestions for some new homeopathic remedies for Boots to peddle...

1023 Sign Up

We critically thinking, rational types are well aware that the reason why homeopathy doesn’t work beyond the placebo effect is because, in all probability, there are bugger all active ingredients in any remedy above 15C. In fact, the scientifically unproven technique of like curing like means that even the remedies below 15C, that might just contain the odd molecule of the original ingredient, are hardly any more likely to work either.

However, to the uninformed majority, homeopathy is often confused with natural herbal remedies. And the fact that you can buy them from your local branch of Boots the Chemist adds an additional air of false credibility. After all we trust Boots to sell us medicines that actually work. Nevertheless, thanks to the Parliamentary Science and Technology committee we now know from the horse’s mouth that Boots sell homeopathic remedies not because there is any evidence that they are efficacious, but simply because they sell.

Perhaps they wouldn’t sell quite so well if more people were aware of what a homeopathic remedy is and how scientifically absurd its underlying principles are.

In order to try and raise awareness of the truth behind homeopathy, a while ago I cobbled together a quick video demonstrating how a homeopathic remedy is made. Much to my surprise the video proved to be rather popular but in case you missed it, here it is again:

Despite the success of the above video, a much wider reaching awareness is required, and this is where the 1023 campaign comes in. If you would like to become involved in the awareness raising campaign then please sign up here to receive more information on how you can help.

Python in Boots

I Overheard Simon Perry in a chemists the other day talking to the director of Boots, Paul Bennett …

PERRY: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.

(Paul Bennett does not respond.)

PERRY: 'Ello, Miss?

BENNETT: What do you mean "miss"?

PERRY: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!

BENNETT: We're closin' for lunch.

PERRY: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this homeopathic remedy what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very Boots.

BENNETT: Oh yes, the, uh, the 30C Wolfsbane...What's, uh...What's wrong with it?

PERRY: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. It’s ineffective, that's what's wrong with it!

BENNETT: No, no, many people believe it to be effective.

PERRY: Look, matey, I know an ineffective remedy when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.

BENNETT: No no we sell it because, some people believe it works'! Remarkable remedy, the 30C Wolfsbane. Beautiful packaging!

PERRY: The packaging don't enter into it. It's ineffective.

BENNETT: Nononono, no, no! 'Some people believe it works!

PERRY: All right then, if people believe it works I’ll ask them!
(Shouting at other customers)
'Ello, Mister Edzard Ernst! I've got a lovely research grant for you if you tell me you believe homeopathy works

(Bennett mutters "Ja")

BENNETT: There, he said yes!

PERRY: No, he didn't, that was you doing a dodgy German accent!

BENNETT: I never!!

PERRY: Yes, you did!

BENNETT: I never, never said anything...

PERRY: (yelling and hitting the package repeatedly) 'ELLO EDZARD!
Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! Do you believe homeopathy to be effective?
(Takes pills out of the package and swallows the lot. Throws empty packet up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)

PERRY: Now that's what I call an ineffective remedy.

BENNETT: No, no.....No, it’s an aggravation!

PERRY: AGGRAVATION?

BENNETT: Yeah! A healing crisis. You’ve got to get worse before you get better.

PERRY: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That remedy is definitely ineffective, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of efficacy was due to it bein' diluted and succussed following a prolonged potentization.

BENNETT: Well, it’s probably your susceptibility attracting miasms.

PERRY: SUSCEPTIBILITY attracting MIASMS? What kind of talk is that? Why isn’t there any scientific evidence to support its efficacy?

BENNETT: The 30C Wolfsbane's been through several homeopathic provings. Remarkable remedy, id'nit, squire? Lovely packaging!

PERRY: Look, I took the liberty of examining that remedy when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that some people find it effective is the PLACEBO effect.

(pause)

BENNETT: Well, o'course there’s the placebo effect. If it didn’t have the placebo effect it wouldn’t do anything. If that remedy didn’t have the placebo it couldn’t cure you.

PERRY: CURE? Mate, this remedy wouldn't "cure" if it had had four million dilutions it’s bleedin' useless!

BENNETT: No no! Its aggravations!

PERRY: It's not aggravations! It's ineffective! This remedy is useless! It is completely ineffectual! It’s a pseudo-therapy! It’s inept! Bereft of active ingredients it doesn’t work! If it wasn’t for the placebo it would have no therapeutic effect whatsoever. It’s scientifically implausible. It’s completely absurd. The purported mechanisms of its action fly in the face of our understanding of chemistry, physics, pharmacology and physiology. THIS IS AN INEFFECTIVE REMEDY.

(pause)

BENNETT: Well, I'd better replace it, then.

(he takes a quick peek behind the counter)

BENNETT: Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of effective homeopathic remedies.

PERRY: I see. I see, I get the picture.

BENNETT: I’ve got some Evening Primrose.

(pause)

PERRY: (sweet as sugar) Pray, does it cure?

BENNETT: Nnnnot really.

PERRY: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?

BENNETT: Look, if you go to my brother's pharmacy in Bolton, he'll sell you some science based medicine.

PERRY: Bolton, eh? Very well.

(Perry leaves)

With Special Thanks to the Merseyside Skeptics Society

Spine Wizards and other Woo-Woo Therapists

Some time ago I heard Robin Ince refer to chiropractors as “Spine Wizards”, and I’m glad to see that the term seems to be picking up a bit of currency recently. I assume Robin coined the phrase, let me know if you think otherwise.

Anyway, this got me to wondering if we could think up some more good terms for the other alternative therapies. Here’s a few suggestions to get you started. Please fell free to post your suggestions in the comments field.


Buggeropathy v. colonic irrigation. To shove a garden hose up ones jacksie

Decashification n. detoxification. A cunning marketing ploy involving eating less and spending more.

Dilution Druid n. homeopath. One who prepares impotent quacksalvers with no memory of the bullshit it once contained.

Foot Wanker n. reflexologist. A medical numpty with a foot fetish under the misapprehension that the feet are connected to the pancreas.

Juju Jedi n. Reiki Master. One skilled in the ancient art of convincing the naïve minded that spiritual healing works and the laws of nature are wrong.

Prick Therapy n. acupuncture. The ancient Chinese martial art of stabbing people with small needles.

Quartz Quacks n. Crystal Therapist. A Woo-monger of immense gullibility prone to frequent misuse of the word “energy”.

Spine Wizard n. chiropractor. A caster of subluxation spells.

Wife Beating v. cupping. The pointless bruising of daft tarts.


Anymore?

Can I Get a Homeopathic Remedy Instead of a Malaria Inoculation?

I passed a nice little shop at lunch-time that just happened to sell homeopathic remedies, so I popped in for a nose around and a chat. I expect we’ve all heard stories of how some homeopaths may be willing to sell homeopathic remedies as a prevention or a cure for malaria as an alternative to conventional, proven and clinically tested anti malaria drugs.

I thought that Simon Singh’s recent book “Trick or Treatment” might have made alternative therapists a little wary and therefore unwilling to talk to random strangers in detail and certainly be on guard against making claims that homeopathy can be effective against malaria.

So the question I was wondering was, would a homeopathic retailer be prepared to write a prescription for a homeopathic anti malaria remedy to a random customer who came in off the street wanting to use the remedy in place of conventional science based medicine.

Well here’s a transcript of my conversion:

Crispian: Hiya

Homeopath: Can we help you with anything in particular?

Crispian: Um, I Don’t know. A friend of mine was on Safari last summer, well this summer, and he was talking about it and I looked it up on the web today as I quite fancied it. It was talking about the vaccinations I would need for malaria and stuff like that and I was reading the side effects and there seemed to be quite a long list of the side effects so I thought I’d just wonder around and see if there’s any alternatives basically.

Homeopath: Well we don’t sort of claim… you have to make your own decision um, but in terms of homeopathic remedies as vaccination I mean you have to read up on it, but you can get malaria in potency, you can get.. would you need yellow fever I imagine?

Crispian: I don’t know, it said malaria and there was a few other things on there, Tetanus

Homeopath: Yellow fever, Tetanus, Cholera, Typhoid, you’d need all of those probably

Crispian: So I’d need those from a conventional doctor?

Homeopath: Um. It’s up to you, I mean, you can ...there are homeo .. Um, do you know much about homeopathy? Basically, the homeopathic nosodes they’re called that are made from the actual vac… the germ, if you like. The understanding is that if you take them in potency they’re a very very high dilution it will create the necessary anti bodies in your blood

Crispian: OK

Homeopath: As opposed to taking the Jab. Some people say its good to do that preventatively before you go over, start a week before you go

Crispian: Yeah

Homeopath: Some people say there’s no point in doing it unless you get malaria and then you start taking it. um. My feeling is that you need to kinda educate yourself and take a look and see what you think you want to do. Um. Have you ever taken anti malaria drugs or anything like that?

Crispian: Well I’ve never had anything, it’s just that when I was reading all the side effects it sounded like ..

Homeopath: Where abouts would you be going?

Crispian: I wanted to do what my friend did, he started off in um Zambia and he went down through Tanzania and Botswana and down to South Africa.

Homeopath: Ok. Malaria. It’s a strong malaria zone I’d say

Crispian: Yeah, yeah

Homeopath: I don’t know about yellow fever, I don’t know if it’s a yellow fever zone, I don’t think so. Um, malaria, cholera and typhoid I would say

Crispian: OK

Homeopath: Um

Crispian: So if…

Homeopath: The other thing of course is I don’t think your… nowadays with the legislation in this country, you’re not able to purchase malaria and all these in potency without a prescription so I mean um, I could certainly write you a prescription. I’m quite happy to just write you a prescription if that’s what you need and then take it to a homeopathic pharmacy

Crispian: Oh OK, I couldn’t just pick one up here then

Homeopath: No

Crispian: Is it quite a common thing then or is it unusual?

Homeopath: There’s a huge, as you know, there’s a huge um backlash against homeopathy in this country so some people are… there are lots of sceptics in the pharmaceutical industry and general medicine who are trying to sort of root them out, root us out and um

Crispian: OK

Homeopath: The pharmacies have to have some statutory legislation that um, they’re not able to just sell it over the counter.

Crispian: OK, but I could get a prescription and then that would ..?

Homeopath: I could write you a prescription yeah

Crispian: So would you recommend that I would still need to visit my GP?

Homeopath: You’re GP’s not going to … Oh well, if you need to go for malarium or whatever quinine based drugs for the anti malaria you’ll have to educate yourself on that. I mean, um, it’s up to you. You’re not native to any of those countries so

Crispian: No. I’m from here

Homeopath: So I would suggest that you would be better off to do.. um, what’s your health like? General health?

Crispian: It’s good

Homeopath: It’s Good? Ok. I’d do some other things like um obviously take water sterilising tablets, maybe take some other remedies, take some B vitamins, that would be good. B1 and B12 are very good for malaria zones, its good to take those a couple of weeks before that, strengthen your immune system and um and increase your resistance to infection, things like that. Vitamin C is another thing that you should take. Um

Crispian: So …

Homeopath: I’d just take a good kit maybe and if you want to do homeopathy, then take a kit and learn about how to administer it, I mean I could do a 20 minute appointment with you and I could just take you through things that you need to do

Crispian: You said that it’s diluted, so what sort of level?

Homeopath: Homeopathy. Hundreds and thousands of dilutions. I mean I come from a malaria country and I, personally speaking I always just take the nosodes, and I don’t do inoculations and vaccinations anymore because I just don’t like what they put in them

Crispian: Yeah

Homeopath: And I’m not convinced that they work. That’s my own personal opinion, but you have to do what you feel is right. I’m not saying that vaccinations are bad, but some people, once they’ve taken the vaccination they get unwell for a few days

Crispian: Yeah, that’s what I heard

Homeopath: If you were to do the vaccinations, I’d go to the British Airways travel centre to get them done rather than with your GP because I don’t think GPs are well advised on things like that. I would go to the one on Regents Street, they have a travel centre there

Crispian: OK, but it sounds like I could avoid it altogether, I mean you mentioned the vitamins and the travel packs …

Homeopath: If you’re well educated and informed you could do, but its something you would need to make an informed decision on

Crispian: I’d have to look into it

Homeopath: Yeah I’d go to um, and how long would you be going for

Crispian: Well I fancied quite a while so probably 3 maybe 4 weeks

Homeopath: 3 or 4 weeks you’d be out there?

Crispian: Yeah

Homeopath: When would you be going?

Crispian: Well I’ve not booked it. I’ve only just started looking today because I just happened to see it but well, next summer, I guess next August

Homeopath: Yeah. Well that gives you, you know a good bit of time to you know get fit

Crispian: I just started looking when I was at work and I though that looked quite fun

Homeopath: I’d also possibly try and loose a bit of weight before you go, simply because if you get sick, and if your system is a little bit over, I mean you just need to be fitter and take things like liver cleansing remedies with you as well so if you get, um. Most people just get diagraph or dysentery those are the major fears in that part of the world, diarrhoea and dysentery, so things like tinctures of wormwood, things like that to keep your liver healthy because your liver is your best defence that you have if you get a blood born disease, you want your liver to be on your side. I would get the world traveller’s manual, Colin Lessell, I’ll write it down for you…. It’s called um The World Travellers Homeopathy manual or something, something like that

Crispian: OK

Homeopath: You’ll find it

Crispian: I’ll find it online will I?

Homeopath: Yeah. Its good, it tells you all about the various weird and wonderful ticks and antigens and bacteria that you can come into contact with

Crispian: OK, that’s very helpful, so it sounds like with a bit of research and if I’m comfortable then ..

Homeopath: Yeah, if you want to know more about it then I think we’re obliged to do a 20 to 30 minute consultation before we write the prescription or whatever so you know exactly how to take it and what to do

Crispian: What about the children because I’ve got the family as well so..

Homeopath: Oh, you’re going to take everyone?

Crispian: Yeah

Homeopath: Um, yeah, then I would say that if you want to put them through that as well then I think you need to be very very wised up on how to deal with an emergency if that happens

Crispian: Ok, so I could bring the family, the children in with me as well?

Homeopath: You can certainly book up, and I can take you through the remedies, um it might be worth … this is the travellers kit. Helios, they’re very good. I rate them as a good gift. This is a traveller’s kit of the basic remedies that you might need.

Crispian: OK, so these are 30 C

Homeopath: 30 C

Crispian: What’s that?

Homeopath: That’s 30 dilutions so basically … OK.. So lets see .. think of a herb that you know.. Arnica? Yeah?

Crispian: OK

Homeopath: It’s a flower, it’s a healing herb. What they’ve done is taken the herb, mashed it about put it in some alcohol for various number of days, shaken it and stirred it, taken one drop of that and then put a hundred drops of alcohol with it and then shaken it and that’s become a 1 X. They’ve done that up to one hundred.. up to ten times and then they’ve made it a 1 C and then each time they’ve taken a drop put a hundred drops of alcohol, shaken it and whatever and each time they’ve taken it up step by step by step. So by the time it’s got to 30 C …

Crispian: There’s not going to be a lot left is there?

Homeopath: Well, the original substance has gone, its passed Avogadro’s number but the imprint in the cell is arnica still. Um

Crispian: OK

Homeopath: I mean, if you’ve never taken homeopathy before

Crispian: I haven’t no

Homeopath: I think its worth experiencing it just to see, because there’s no point me telling you and you believing it. Yeah. They say its got the cellular imprint of it and the beauty of it is that it's vibrational, it won’t harm your lungs or your organs in anyway at all like conventional medicine

Crispian: OK

Homeopath: It’s just very very powerful. I’d say that you need to experience it

Crispian: OK. Thank you, you’ve been very helpful. I’ll look that up

Homeopath: OK, What’s your name?

Crispian: Its Crispian.

Homeopath: Crispian, I’m xxxxx

Crispian: Nice to meet you, Ill look that up. Cheers

Homeopath: Yeah, Bye

As you can hear the lady I spoke to was very pleasant and helpful and obviously a firm believer in homeopathy. She was keen to explain how it worked and promote other alternative therapies.

Notes:
She was careful to state that it would be my own decision and that I need to make an educated an informed choice, and she was careful to disassociate her views from the shop she worked for. She did however:

1. Clearly offer to write me a prescription for a malaria remedy to be used in place of a conventional vaccination
2. She advised me not to consult my GP as they are ill advised on such things
3. She mentioned that she would not personally recommend vaccines as she does not like what they put in them

Surely that’s fairly dangerous advice.

If homeopathy works ... I'll drink my own piss

Update:
As this post has had so many hits I thought I really ought to correct some of the inaccuracies in the video. Rather than removing or re-filming the video, here’s a list of corrections:

1. I keep incorrectly pronouncing succussion as succession. It should be “sus-sussion”
2. To make the 1C dilution I should have added my 1ml of piss to 99ml of water, not 100 ml
3. Although I rinsed the pipette after the first succession, I should really have used a clean pipette each time

Other than that, I think it’s about right, it really is that silly

Celebrity Quack Trumps

Following the immensely successful God Trumps featured in New Humanist, I was surprised that I couldn’t find a similar offering for alternative medicine quackery. As I was shocked by the amount of celebrities who are prepared to endorse dubious alternative medicines, I thought that perhaps some Celebrity Quack Trumps were called for. Here’s the first batch...



The following resources were used to gather the information on these cards.

Trick or Treatment by Simon Singh & Edzard Ernst
Bad Science by Ben Goldacre
Whatstheharm.net by Tim Farley
Skepdic.com by Robert T. Carroll


Postscript:
After talking to some people at Skeptics in the Pub last night, I realised that quite a few people don’t know how to play “Top Trumps”. I thought it was a global phenomenon, but according to Wikipedia it was more of a British Schoolboy 1970’s thing. Perhaps this is why US links have been referring to them as Collectors Cards, presumably more akin to collecting a set of cards given away with chewing gum. “Top Trumps” were always sold as a complete set to enable you to play the game, and in case you actually want to play top trumps with them, here are the rules.

Superstitious Homeopathy Blues

After reading up quite a bit recently on a number of alternative medicines, it seems to me that homeopathy must be quiet the silliest. I have therefore attempted to rewrite Bob Dylan’s “Subterranean Homesick Blues” in recognition of the absurdity of this treatment. I also thought I’d have a go at singing it, which my wife reliably informs me was a big mistake, but hear it is anyway.



Hahnemann’s in the basement.
Mixing up the Medicine.
I’m on my iMac.
Blogging ‘bout the daft quack.
The man in the lab coat.
Looking for the essence.
Says there is no evidence.
It has any potence.
Look out woo.
We’re coming after you.
God Knows Why.
You peddle such a lie.
You better prove your efficacy.
To be taken seriously.
The man in the drug store.
Doesn’t look too sure.
He may be unwell.
And doesn’t need a water spell.

Charlie makes a tincture.
Cornish water, so pure.
Mummy is so cock sure.
It provides the best cure.
Duchy cures at a guess.
Are completely useless.
Remedies have no success.
Complete and utter BS.
Look out woo.
You haven’t got a clue.
Logic must take a hit.
If you want to market it.
Evidence, not a bit.
Clinical trials, omit.
Don’t trust, this fuckwit.
His remedies, are unfit.
You don’t need scientist.
To tell you that he’s full of shit.

Dilute, shake well.
Active ingredients, expel.
Always say its natural.
If you potion’s gonna sell.
Wolfsbane, insane.
Wont cure migraine.
Rather have, chow-mein.
C’mon guys, use your brain.
Look out woo.
Truth is your taboo.
And if like cures like.
I will take a hike.
Now we know it’s utter shite.
Girl on the treadmill.
Looking for a new pill.
Don’t follow health quacks.
Charlatans with phony plaques.

Try hard, to believe.
Trusting, and naïve.
If you manage to decieve.
Placebo effect you’ll receive.
You’ll never, treat me.
Even for, a modest fee.
It’s all just a fantasy.
Bad science clearly.
You don’t have a remedy.
Look out woo.
Your principles untrue.
Debate, ignite.
Don’t treat snakebite.
Skeptics, unite.
Reason takes flight.
The anecdotes you recite.
As evidence its pretty slight.
You can’t bottle sunlight.
Thunderstorms or starry night.


Comments are most welcome as always, but you needn’t bother commenting just to tell me that I can’t sing, I’m well aware of that. I was asked to leave the school choir.

Oh and thanks to these guys who provided the great instrumental version for me to ruin

A “Bob Dylan” styled Alternative Medicine Protest Song

I was on the train, coming home from work last night listening to Bob Dylan’s “Masters of War” and reading Simon Singh & Edzard Ernst’s “Trick or Treatment”, when the words of the song started to transform.

Hopefully you're familiar with the 1963 masterpiece “Masters of War” taken from “The Freewheelin’ Bob Dylan”, otherwise the following song probably wont work.

Anyway in honour of the multitude of purveyors of alternative medicine woo, I have taken the liberty of rewriting Dylan’s song……..


Come you masters of woo
You that believe in reiki
You that believe in crystals
You that believe in feng shui
Your aromatherapy
Is such an unlikely thing
I just don't want you to know
I have read Simon Singh

You that never healed no one
‘cept placebo effect
Your pills are just sugar
That’s what I suspect
You crack my poor spine
And stick pins in my smile
Then choose to ignore
A controlled clinical trial

Your homeopaths
Who delude and deceive
Distilled water has memory
They want me to believe
There’s no active ingredient
Not one single bit
But if water has memory
Your cures full of shit

You spread misinformation
And don’t vaccinate
With herd immunity lost
Children suffer your fate
You preach from your platform
On Oprah Winfrey
You might as well go
On a mad killing spree

Spine wizards can sue
If they don’t like my song
Your plethora of evidence
Has been proved to be wrong
You’ll regret the exposure
Of this I am sure
For colic and asthma
You don’t have a cure

You won't find my Ch’i
It doesn’t exist
Stop stabbing your pins
Please don’t persist
I have no meridian
To poke with a needle
Please try and see why
Your science is so feeble

Herbal remedies sound natural
What harm could they do?
Untested, unproven
They’re trialling on you
If they turn out to work
Then you’ll have to forgive
They can no longer be classed
As alternative

Crystals and reiki
You’re having a laugh
Not any more likely
Than a flying giraffe
If you believe in that crap
Then you have to admit
You’re lacking in reason
You credulous tit


Kudos must also been given to Dale Williams who’s mastery of the musical parody technique also served as inspiration.