Friday, 10 December 2010

Trolling For Dummies by Dennis Markuze



Start of with an insane threat. Remembering to ensure that you leave CAPS-LOCK on for a FEW WORDS and finish with an exclamation mark!


Leave a couple of BLANK LINES!


Insert a few underscores,
___________________________________________


The remainder of the comment is irrelevant as no one ever actually reads any further down THAN THIS!

Insert a random erroneously claim that a famous EVOLUTIONARY DEVELOPMENTAL BIOLOGIST at the University of Minnesota Morris does not exist for no other reason than to prove beyond all doubt that you are as crazy a box of retarded frogs…


RANDOM STATEMENT ALL IN UPPER CASE WITH NO PUNCTUATION


ARBITRARY THREAT TO ATHEISTS!

Follow up threat, this time with 3 EXCLAMATION MARKS!!!



hyper-link to DUBIOUS evidence that claims to support a CRAZY CONSPIRACY THEORY!


A DEATH THREAT to a well known atheists using a rude word with some of the letters replaced with the wrong number of a*****isks……..


Bizarre reference to a DISNEY character for no apparent reason!!!


INSET a whole row of asterisks …

***********************************************

Just for the HELL OF IT!!!


PAUSE to take MEDICATION!!!


FOR a bit of VARIETY ... leave FOUR blank lines...




MEANINGLESS question?



DISCONNECTED STATEMENT about the PARANORMAL


ooh look a DEPECHE MODE video...
*************************


FINISH off with FINAL FAILED attempt at being MENACING!!!

*copy to clipboard in preparation to paste into as many blogs as possible before the NURSE notices you're OUT OF BED AGAIN!!!...*



Sorry for feeding the trolls, I know I’m not supposed but I can’t help myself. C’mon DM leave me another comment, you know you WANT to….

48 comments:

Matt Heath said...

Needs more Depeche Mode

Anonymous said...

ME TOO!!!

Skepticat said...

Hilarious! Markuze has his own forum at our place:

http://www.thinkhumanism.com/phpBB3/viewforum.php?f=61

by Kimbo! said...

Surely it's also essential to simply in the eyes of your mother with no relevance and even on the baseball-field YOU KNOW THIS IS TRUE with the weird capitalisation and absence of punctuation if a butterfly is on the wing spout mixed-up drivel with chunks of unconnected prose so YOUR SOCKS FALL DOWN with maybe some............ extra dots........... too for that mind-wandering essential Jesus Loves you barking madness.

Actually, having typed that I have greater regard for these guys, that was really hard work. Insanity's not as easy as it looks.

Anonymous said...

Obligatory QDB post: http://www.qdb.us/297667

Crispian Jago said...

@Matt Heath

My bad. added reference

Dave The Drummer said...

@Skepticat
A work of genius !
:-)

Crispian Jago said...

BTW, with the exception of Prince Charles and the Pope who I l believe both abuse their positions of authority, I tend to use this blog to criticise ideas rather than individuals. Hence I paused for a while before taking a shot at DM. It is a fair argument that he is a victim of his own delusions and paranoia, and it is therefore unfair to have a go at him. But I didn’t pause for too long.

Neil Davies said...

Hahaha... it's funny coz it's true :)

Anonymous said...

I don't see what's the big deal aobut feeding trolls, I think it's a funny and healthy sport, internet without trolls would be boooring

Grania said...

He has his own thread over on Atheist Ireland too; 13 pages long and climbing, now with about 57 different sock puppets.

Ophelia Benson said...

Surely the word BOOBQUAKE should appear somewhere?

Anonymous said...

crispian we are going to exterminate all of you...

now we are going to bury you,


And the lesson from all of this? DOUBLE!
____________________________


What do you want, you little ****ers?

more of these idiots

youtube.com/watch?v=q4C5yzFmC80

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_prizes_for_evidence_of_the_paranormal

HOW N WON ALL THE PARANORMAL PRIZES!


en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nostradamus


pz myers does not exist…

richarddawkins.net/discussions/543672-inhertitance-of-acquired-behaviour-adaptions-and-brain-gene-expression-in-chickens

atheists, we’re gonna cut off your heads…

THE HIGH PRICE OF REVOLUTION

youtube.com/user/xviolatex?feature=mhum

biopunk said...

"PAUSE to take MEDICATION!!!"

Wait a minute, that bit seems beyond belief...

Grania said...

@ Anonymous
Hahahaha, excellent satire. Er.

Darrick Lim said...

Bloody brilliant stuff Mr Jago! The fruitcake in question surfaced in a recent Sam Harris Facebook post. I commented on Harris's post right after the fruitcake with a link to your 'recipe'. :D

Woman on a Raft said...

Stoppit! Stop readimg my mind. Get off MY computer. I do NOT wirte like that.

Neuroskeptic said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Neuroskeptic said...

"And the lesson from all of this? DOUBLE!"

I confess I have absolutely no idea what this means.

Does anyone have any suggestions?

With most of Mabus's stuff, you can at least see the remnants of what he was trying to say, from before the atomic bomb that is his stupidity demolished it.

But I can't make head or tale of this.

Span Ows said...

Neuroskeptic, I suggest you re-read the blogpost: it seems to have passed you by...or am I missing your irony?

head or tale? What a waist?

;-)

W said...

Hi. I'm Dennis Markuze in Montreal, you may know me as David Mabus. I still wet the bed most nights after I cry myself to sleep because my psych meds won't allow me to achieve an erection. I haven't been able to make love to my inflatable doll made up to look like Mother Teresa ever since the court ordered me to take these things.

Neuroskeptic said...

Span Ows: The blog post is a joke, but D. M.'s writings are, unfortunately, all too serious.

See the comment by "anonymous" from yesterday.

and I don't know what D. M. means by his "DOUBLE" comments...

P.S. Hilariously the capcha is "deiti"

David Mabus said...

image.spreadshirt.com/image-server/image/composition/4006595/view/1/producttypecolor/1/type/png/width/378/height/378/e-mc2_design.png


now we are going to bury you...


And the lesson from all of this? DOUBLE!


What do you want, you little f*ckers?

more of these idi*ts


youtube.com/watch?v=q4C5yzFmC80



en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_prizes_for_evidence_of_the_paranormal

HOW N WON ALL THE PARANORMAL PRIZES!

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nostradamus


youtube.com/user/xviolatex?feature=mhum

Anonymous said...

Personally, I enjoyed the picture of DM from the humanist conference in Montreal where he was looking like a half-developed larval human trying to be threatening.

PS: I love Montreal, and I know you've had previous experiences there with half-developed larval human beings who caused actual damage, and I don't mean to make light. OTOH, both the RCMP and Surete de Quebec are some of the finest law enforcement agencies in the world, and presumably they already know all about Mabus. So I'd be surprised if it went that far.

Greta Christina said...

Heck, yes.

And don't forget that the emailed death threat in question is being cc'ed to at least 100 people. Thus rendering it somewhat less than intimidating.

Richard Wade said...

It seems that at first the sites infested by Mabus

FIND HIM REALLY ANNOYING!!!

Then for a brief time someone

EXPRESSES A LITTLE PITY!!!

************************************

But eventually people seem to feel disappointed if he doesn't show up with

HIS STYLIZED, SCHIZOPHRENIC RITUAL!!!

________________________________

It's kind of an honor to have the attention of

THE WORLD'S MOST FAMOUS TROLL!!!

Even though it's the same incomprehensible gibberish no matter where he goes.

Maybe he'll go away if we tell him

HOW MUCH WE LOVE HIS STUFF!!!

toomanytribbles said...

crispian now everyone's going to want a piece of DM on his blog. it's, like, trendy.

Cuttlefish said...

The link to this post came in the same batch of emails as ... another Dancing Monkey special!!! That makes a total of 556 of them since the last time I cleared my spam cache--well over a thousand this year!

Neuroskeptic--I believe his "DOUBLE" comment is DM-speak for "since you asked me so nicely to stop, I'll repay you by trolling twice as much! You get double the DM for your efforts!"

But yes, any actual feelings of threat from his delusional rants have been diluted to homeopathic proportions; his internet connection is the functional equivalent of smearing these same words in his own feces on the walls of his room.

PersonalFailure said...

I did not feel that I had arrived as an atheist blogger until I had received my first (of many) DM comment. The worst part is, I've seen so many of them now, I can tell, without looking at a date stamp, exactly when he commented. His insanity changes over time, much like, well, evolution.

Zeno said...

Poor deranged Dennis Markuze is utterly incapable of refraining from rising to the bait. The one thing we can't provoke him into doing is going to a brain-care specialist. He's sick in the head and needs help. Of course, I'm not a doctor (of medicine), but I think I know crazy when I see it. And I see it in over 200 messages left by Dennis on my blog in the past year. He is one sick puppy.

Hey, Dennis, you crazy loon! Go prove us wrong by getting yourself a psych evaluation on posting it on-line. That'll teach us!

Anonymous said...

take your meds, you little fckers....


image.spreadshirt.com/image-server/image/composition/4006595/view/1/producttypecolor/1/type/png/width/378/height/378/e-mc2_design.png



now we are going to bury you...


And the lesson from all of this? DOUBLE!
____________________________


What do you want, you little ****ers?

more of these idiots


youtube.com/watch?v=q4C5yzFmC80



en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_prizes_for_evidence_of_the_paranormal

HOW N WON ALL THE PARANORMAL PRIZES!

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nostradamus



THE HIGH PRICE OF REVOLUTION

youtube.com/user/xviolatex?feature=mhum

Anonymous said...

It's like reading the label from a bottle of Dr. Bronner's Castile Soap.

Geek Goddess said...

The inmates get internet connections.

Sweet.

James Sweet said...

DM's post-Boobquake spam included a line so funny that -- even though it is a clear example of feeding the trolls -- I had to put it up as a permanent feature on one of the side panels of my blog:

"atheist don't even BELIEVE IN BOOBIES!!!"

That's the most Poe-like Markuze's ever been. It almost makes me wonder...

Anonymous said...

GOATS ON FIRE!

NoAstronomer said...

"before the NURSE notices you're OUT OF BED AGAIN!!!"


LMAO

Anonymous said...

take your meds, you little fckers...


image.spreadshirt.com/image-server/image/composition/4006595/view/1/producttypecolor/1/type/png/width/378/height/378/e-mc2_design.png


now we are going to bury you...


And the lesson from all of this? DOUBLE!


What do you want, you little f*ckers?

more of these idi*ts


youtube.com/watch?v=q4C5yzFmC80



en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_prizes_for_evidence_of_the_paranormal

HOW N WON ALL THE PARANORMAL PRIZES!

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nostradamus


youtube.com/user/xviolatex?feature=mhum

Ryan W. said...

That was excellent. Not enough spelling and grammar errors though.

Anonymous said...

crispian - I want you to know that we are going take steps to exterminate you...

Anonymous said...

youtube.com/watch?v=wxrWz9XVvls&


take your meds, you little fckers....


image.spreadshirt.com/image-server/image/composition/4006595/view/1/producttypecolor/1/type/png/width/378/height/378/e-mc2_design.png



now we are going to bury you...


And the lesson from all of this? DOUBLE!
____________________________


What do you want, you little ****ers?

more of these idiots


youtube.com/watch?v=q4C5yzFmC80



en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_prizes_for_evidence_of_the_paranormal

HOW N WON ALL THE PARANORMAL PRIZES!

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nostradamus



THE HIGH PRICE OF REVOLUTION

youtube.com/user/xviolatex?feature=mhum

Anonymous said...

youtube.com/watch?v=lz4R0GHfM-Y&

why does everyone always want to PUNCH you, shermer?

Anonymous said...

crispian - repent and you will be saved...

Anonymous said...

Hey Dennis, how's Henry?

al capone junior said...

Awesome blog!!!!

Ol' dennis is always trolling places where I hang out. You've got his MO down pat!!!

John S. Wilkins said...

I was going to chastise you for feeding the troll, but I think you have made a major contribution to society here.

I would have kept the several hundred Mabusites in my spam folder if I'd known they were precious...

God said...

Oh my... ME!
The handbook of FAIL is almost as pertinent and inspired today as the sh't I wrote! HeCK of a job, Marky.
Amen f'kin hotep!

Anonymous said...

Is there such a thing as the 'fail fail'? A lolz version of 'not even wrong'...

S E E Quine said...

Aw, I remember Mabus!! He threatened to chop off our heads!

Very well-done guide!