Sunday 1 April 2012

Multi-faith Transubstantiated Snacks

Those who have frequented church services in the past will be aware that Christian worship often includes a short brunch, lovingly referred to as the Eucharist. This jolly little ceremony is of course based on the last supper and bread and wine are drank and eaten in remembrance of the Christians beardy best friend.

The wine represents the blood of Christ and the bread (or more commonly, wafer) the body of Christ. However in a spectacular attempt to stretch credulity to its absolute limit, good old Roman Catholic theology takes this sacred snack one step further. Once the presiding cleric has uttered the magic spell: “This is my body, broken for you etc etc”, the wafer ceases to be a mere wheat based nibble and quite literally becomes a piece of the actual body of Christ. Not a symbolic representation. A genuine actual real sliver of raw flesh faithfully butchered from the scrawny body of a rather mouthy Nazarene joiner. I shit you not.

I’ve comfort snacked on our Lord and and it turns out that Jesus actually has a rather vapid flavour and would probably benefit from a condiment or two. However, I am reliably informed that it is bad form to season our Lord and Saviour before you pop him into your mouth. But despite his rather insipid taste he’s the Sunday morning breakfast of choice for over a billion devoted Catholics.

Perhaps some of the other religions could take heed of this popular gastronomic ritual and provide their own followers with a similar morsel of holy tuck, flavoured with the deity of their choice.

Large congregation packs of communion wafers are indeed already freely available to purchase from your favourite online retailer. Why not simply provide the wafers or indeed any wheat, potato or maize based deep fried snack pre-blessed and transformed into the fleshy tissue of your preferred divinity?

In much the same way that traditional potato chip manufactures add various flavours to their snacks, an assortment of priests, mullahs, monks and poojaries installed at the end of the factory production lines could magically transubstantiate the savoury nibbles into the required god by muttering a quick incantation as they pass by.

In a consumer driven, connivence seeking, modern multi faith society like ours, I think a range of pre-blessed god snacks, suitable for all faiths could be a real winner. Here’s some suggested lines that I think would go down a treat:


Zeno said...

Can you confirm they are suitable for vegetarians?

HenstridgeSJ said...

Pot Noodles would seem to be a ready-make snack suitable for followers of the FSM.

Artor said...

It sounds like you have a friend in Cheez-its.

Tetenterre said...

Huh! I utterly deplore the anti-semitic manner in which you refuse to advertise Kosher Kibbeh.

Shadeburst said...

Suggestion: the "Jeezos" pack should say "meat flavoured."