Saturday, 14 April 2012

Bring Out Your Gay!


In the unlikely event you haven’t read this weeks news about the banned  “Gay Cure” bus adverts booked by the Core Issues Trust click here. Similarly if you haven’t read Lord Carey’s bigoted rant in the Telegraph click here. Finally I’ll take it as read that, like me, you know your Holy Grail verbatim.



MIKE DAVIDSON:  Bring out your gay!
      [clang]
      Bring out your gay!
      [clang]
      Bring out your gay!
      [clang]
      Bring out your gay!
      [clang]
      Bring out your gay!
      [clang]
      Bring out your gay!
      [clang]
      Bring out your gay!
      [clang]
      Bring out your gay!
      [clang]
      Bring out your gay!
      [clang]
      Bring out your gay!
      [clang]
      Bring out your gay!
      [clang]
      Bring out your gay!

  CHRISTIAN:  Here's one -- where's the cure?

  GAY PERSON:  I'm not gay!

  MIKE DAVIDSON:  What?

  CHRISTIAN:  Nothing – where’s the cure?

  GAY PERSON:  I'm not gay!

  MIKE DAVIDSON:  Here -- he says he's not gay!

  CHRISTIAN:  Yes, he is.

  GAY PERSON:  I'm not!

  MIKE DAVIDSON:  He isn't.

  CHRISTIAN:  Well, he will be very soon, he knows the names of lots of colours and he’s very well coordinated.

  GAY PERSON:  I fancy that Katy Price bird with the big knockers!

  CHRISTIAN:  No, you don't -- you like that nice Mr. Clooney.

  MIKE DAVIDSON:  Oh, I can't cure him like that -- it's against regulations.

  GAY PERSON:  I don't want to be cured!

  CHRISTIAN:  Oh, don't be such a baby.

  MIKE DAVIDSON:  I can't cure him...

  GAY PERSON:  I feel heterosexual!

  CHRISTIAN:  Oh, do us a favor...

  MIKE DAVIDSON:  I can't.

  CHRISTIAN:  Well, can you hang around a couple of minutes?  He’ll listen to his musicals again in a minute.

  MIKE DAVIDSON:  Naaah, I got to go on to Elton John's -- they've got loads.

  CHRISTIAN:  Well, when is your next round?

  MIKE DAVIDSON:  Thursday.

  GAY PERSON:  I think I'll go and buy a copy of Nuts magazine.

  CHRISTIAN:  You're not fooling anyone y'know.  Look, isn't there something you can do?

  GAY PERSON:  I feel straight… I feel straight.

      [reparative therapy]

  CHRISTIAN:  Ah, thanks very much.

  MIKE DAVIDSON:  Not at all.  See you on Thursday.

  CHRISTIAN:  Right.

      [Lord Carey chips in with a warning about Christian’s being vilified]

 BORIS JOHNSON:  Who's that then?

 KEN LIVINGSTONE:  I don't know.

 BORIS JOHNSON:  Must be a former Arch Bishop.

 KEN LIVINGSTONE:  Why?

 BORIS JOHNSON:  He's talking shit.

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