Sunday 24 February 2013

Apprentice Pope

With the resignation of Pope Benedict XVI, The Hole See is unfamiliar territory.

Fortunately popular culture has learnt a lot about how to best promote the previously dull selection process.

We now know that to succeed to the top today's candidate cardinals must be brash, arrogant and have ready-prepared cheesy but memorable sound bites. And if your recruiting for a successor, what you also need is the assistance of Nick and Margaret.

11 Cardinals, 1 Papacy, but which one has what it takes to become... The Pope.

Heading to Rome, 11 ambitious cardinals keen to lead the Catholic Church.

8AM. The Vatican

Pope Benedict XVI will see you now.


Anonymous said...

Hi Crispian

I reckon they should get with the time, and change the selection method from voting, to a reality show where all applicants can test their faith and ability to "walk in the path of god".

Start with all applicants being dumped overboard, about a mile or so from shore. Those who can walk on water, or at least get to shore, make it to the next round.
Then we can send them into the wilderness for 40 days.
Survivors move to the next round, where they have to turn water into wine. I am sure Jamie Oliver and a bunch of his mates can be convinced to take time out from their busy schedule to sample the wine, and of course, we eliminate the contestant with the worst batch.
Replicating one of the plagues of Egypt could be fun, and allow for some individual creativity - we allow them to choose which plague.
We can then take them down to the local hospital, where they can do some healing - again, we can perhaps give points based on the number and type of illness healed. Traditionally, leprosy and blindness were favourites, but I think we can allow a little creativity here - cancer and HIV would probably be a good one for the modern age.
By now we should be down to a very small number indeed.
Maybe get them to go out on a North Atlantic cod fishing boat. Points awarded based on the size of the catch after 5 days fishing. Bonus points if calming of a storm is required, and performed.
Once we are down to one, we can then do the final test of faith, and bung them into the lions' den.
Leave them there overnight. If he's alive in the morning, we have white smoke.
If all we have is smiling lions, then black smoke, and a winner TV series.
Who's ready for season 2?

Rollo said...

Popestars - The Rivals?