Wednesday 30 September 2009

Ideas for the Papal Visit

It been 30 years since the UK has been graced with a Papal visit. Should the Pope decide to grace the UK with his presence next year, we should ensure that we pull out all of the stops to ensure we have organised some suitable events to celebrate this auspicious occasion. I had a quick think about what we could organise and came up with the following 3 suggestions, but feel free to come up with some more.

Condom Parade

Rather like an American Ticker Tape parade, but with condoms instead of ticker tape. The Condom parade could be arranged for the Pope’s arrival, after his plane has landed and he’s given the tarmac a quick snog, he could be whipped to central London driven by Ariane Sherine in a “There’s Probably No God” Popemobile whereupon he will be showered with condoms. Perhaps one condom for every preventable death would be appropriate.

Celebrity Tag Team Wrestling

Debates where scientific knowledge is pitted against theological viewpoints are always doomed to failure. If scientific evidence, facts and reality can be simply trumped by the God card whenever those facts do not suitably align with the chosen texts and creeds of a given theology, there is little value in holding the debate. Therefore such matters should be settled by tag team wrestling. I think a really good crowd puller would be The Pope and Osama Bin Laden versus Richard Dawkins and Christopher Hitchens at the Royal Albert, who wouldn’t want to come and see the “Papal Brawl in the Hall”. The existence or non-existence of God could be settled once and for all by two pin falls, two submissions or a knock out.

The inaugural “UK’s Credulous Tit of the Year” award

Following the popularity of annual award ceremonies for films, TV, sports and music, The “Credulous Tit of the Year” will be an annual celebration of those individuals who have made a significant contribution to public misinformation. Those individuals who, through rigorous irrationality and uncritical thinking, have shamelessly and successfully aided and abetted the spread dangerous and inaccurate information, superstition and pseudoscience will be honoured in a lavished ceremony and presented with a prestigious Golden Gobshite award. Although Jeni Barnett started the year as the bookies firm favourite with her absurd regurgitated anti vaccination bile, Noel Edmonds and Adrian Pengelly seem to be making a late run for the title. Derren Brown also seems to be rather keen on throwing his hat in to the proceedings. Anyway, who better to host the ceremony than Pope Benedict XVI.

Any more ideas?


John Gregson said...

If I had teh photoshop skillz, I'd do some fundraising initiative to help spread ignorance, dangerous lies about condoms and sexuality, and an unwarranted sense of supremacy amongst the followers.
I'd recommend the name for the donation service - slogan, "where there's no 'y', there's no question!"

Dave Cole said...

The condom parade. Please, the condom parade.

Michael Kingsford Gray said...

Your Prince Charles of the house of Wind-sore should personally hand out the awards.
Will contestants be tested for homeopathic doping?
I mean, if they drink pure water that has never been near a steroid factory, it could be dynamite!

exdeputy said...

The condom parade---YES most definitely!....but, do the condoms have to be new???

Atheist Parent said...

I like the showering with condoms idea, you can flick them just like rubber bands. If I could just suggest a further refinement?

You'd need something in the end anyway to give it a bit of weight and make it more aerodynamic, and it's such a shame to waste ununused condoms......

OK, that's a bit gross. Personally I should have my remote controlled flying spaghetti monster ready by then and I'm going to buzz him with it, until he manages to bring it down by the power of prayer.