The problem with a nice trip to Bongo Bongo land, in addition to not being able to get hold of a copy of today's Daily Mail, is that invariably Johnny Foreigner is just to damn bone idle to learn the Queen's English.
There are of course numerous web translation services that will translate English into the various dialects of gobbledegook spoken by foreigners. However, these translators are a little clumsy as one must select the name of the particular gibberish spoken by the foreigner and secondly the translation produced is frequently unpronounceable.
This problem has been cleverly solved by the Universal English Translator. Simply enter the phrase you wish to communicate to the little foreign bugger and press the "Translate to Universal English" button to produce a universal phrase that is understandable by any form of dirty foreigner.