Friday 5 April 2013

The Universal English Language Translator

The problem with a nice trip to Bongo Bongo land, in addition to not being able to get hold of a copy of today's Daily Mail, is that invariably Johnny Foreigner is just to damn bone idle to learn the Queen's English. 

There are of course numerous web translation services that will translate English into the various dialects of gobbledegook spoken by foreigners. However, these translators are a little clumsy as one must select the name of the particular gibberish spoken by the foreigner and secondly the translation produced is frequently unpronounceable.

This problem has been cleverly solved by the Universal English Translator. Simply enter the phrase you wish to communicate to the little foreign bugger and press the "Translate to Universal English" button to produce a universal phrase that is understandable by any form of dirty foreigner.

Enter The Queen's English:


mr.goose said...

That is a very handy gadget, sir.

However, when travelling abroad, one should remember that there is no substitute for a pith helmet and a stout stick, to show Johnny Foreigner who's boss.

Ivan Viehoff said...

There are various strategies employed by those attempting to speak English to foreigners. One strategy is to use debased slang, such as "savvy" for know, and "buggerup" for accident, since Johnny Foreigner is more likely to understand bar-room cant than standard English. This explains why such terms have become normal words in Tok Pisin, the English-based language of New Guinea, rather, than the more common English alternatives.

Another strategy is to use very formal and long terms, such as calling a spade an agricultural implement, since Johnny Foreigner will have learned Proper English rather than every day words. This meets with a similar rate of success.

Expanse scientific said...

great !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maria Jose said...
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Deutsch Spanisch said...

voice translator require for that. lol. then u can speak with ur language and translate it in English or any language u need. :D

Übersetzungsbüro said...

Haha really hilarious! I would suggest a "pirate english translator" if ye are bored! ;)

Keep that great work up!

Egypt said...

Good Luck