Friday, 16 April 2010

Monty Python’s Life of Simon

[Simon approaches the British Chiropractic Association’s headquarters at night, and starts painting something on the wall. He does not, however, see a group of lawyers approaching from behind him, led by Mr Justice Eady who reads his writing.]

Eady: What's this then? 'The BCA happily promote bogus treatments.' Practitioners represented by the BCA knowingly promote ineffectual treatments?

Simon: It means the BCA blithely promote un-evidenced treatments.

Eady: No, it doesn’t. What’s the definition of ‘happily”? Come on …

Simon: Aaaah

Eady: Come on.

Simon: Ah, naively?

Eady: Knowingly?

Simon: Ah, no, no, unknowingly

Eady: so implying the BCA are simply misguided is?

Simon: Stupidly?

Eady: Stupidly.

[Eady crosses out ‘happily’ and writes in ‘stupidly’]

Eady: Bogus? What is bogus?

Simon: False?

Eady: Render the adjective into medical terminology.

Simon: Uh. Ineffectual – Uh.. Inefficacious, sham.

Eady: So Bogus is?

Simon: Ah, uh, Lacking in any reliable scientific evidence. Sham.

[Eady takes the brush again and crosses out ‘bogus’ and writes ‘sham’]

Eady: But ‘Science, Reason and Critical Thinking’ is a satirical blog so you must use?

Simon: The colloquial.

Eady: Which is?

Simon: Ahm. Oh, oh, um Spine Wizard, Spine Wizard.

Eady: How many Spine Wizards?

Simon: Ah. Plural, plural… Spine Wizards, Spine Wizards

Eady: Spine Wizards.

[He crosses out ‘BCA’ and writes ‘Spine Wizards’]

Eady: So the CAM practitioners promote sham treatments do they boy?

Simon: Happily.

[Eady takes out a writ and prepares to serve it to Simon]

Simon: Ahh! No, not happily, not happily promote, sir. Ah. Uh. Stupidly er peddle, stupidly peddle.

Eady: So Spine Wizards aren't liars they’re just…

Simon: Dipshits. Aagh! ah.

Eady: Dipshits. Understand?

Simon: Yes, sir.

Eady: Now get it linked on hundred other blogs.

Simon: Yes Sir. Thanks you, sir. Hail Palmer, sir.

Eady: Hail Palmer. And if it’s not done by sunrise, I’ll sue your balls off.

Simon: Oh, thank you, sir. Thank you, sir. Hail Palmer and everything, sir Oh!

[Eady walks off]

[Dawn and ‘Spine wizards stupidly peddle sham treatments’ is plastered all over the BCA’s headquarters in letters a hundred feet high]

Hat tip to Jack of Kent who suggested that there might be some mileage in this particular python sketch.
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