Wednesday 12 August 2009

Chiropractors, Nudge Nudge

I was reading this blog on the involvement that the Trading Standards have with the General Chiropractic Council, and it occurred to me that CAM practitioners might need to start being a little less candid with their claims.

Therefore those serious CAM believers seeking well wacky woo-woo therapies might have to fish a little a bit more to see how far their practitioners are willing to go.

Once again, this put me in mind of a python sketch….

CAM Patient: 'Evening, squire!

Chiropractor’s Receptionist: (stiffly) Good evening.

CAM Patient: Does, uh,... Does your chiropractor treat colic, eh? Know whatahmean, know whatahmean, nudge nudge, know whatahmean, say no more?

Chiropractor’s Receptionist: I, uh, I beg your pardon?

CAM Patient: Your, uh, your chiropractor, does she treat, eh, does she treat infant colic, eh?

Chiropractor’s Receptionist: (flustered) Well, you may see improvements in some types of infant colic, yes.

CAM Patient: Aaaaaaaah I bet you do, I bet you do, say no more, say no more, know whatahmean, nudge nudge?

Chiropractor’s Receptionist: (confused) Are you, uh,... are you from the Trading Standards?

CAM Patient: Trading Standards. Trading Standards. That's good, that's good! An anecdote is as good as a clinical trial to a desperate patient!

Chiropractor’s Receptionist: Would you like to arrange a session?

CAM Patient: Session! Very good, very good! Ay? Ay? Ay?(pause) Oooh! Ya alternative Ay! alternative Ay! Oooh hooh! Say No MORE!

Chiropractor’s Receptionist: Well, I, uh....

CAM Patient: Does, your uh, does your chiropractor believe that partial displacements of the vertebrae cause a perturbation of the distribution of nervous impulses to tissues and cells, ay?

Chiropractor’s Receptionist: Um, she believes in subluxations, yes!

CAM Patient: I bet she does, I bet she does!

Chiropractor’s Receptionist: As a matter of fact she believes in the innate life force.

CAM Patient: 'Oo doesn't? Believe in the innate life force, eh? Knew she would. Likes energy, eh? She's done a bit of complementary medicine eh, a bit of complementary medicine?

Chiropractor’s Receptionist: She is a CAM practioner, yes. She studied homeopathy.


CAM Patient: SAY NO MORE!! Homeopathy, saynomore, saynomore, saynomore, squire!

Chiropractor’s Receptionist: I wasn't going to!

CAM Patient: Oh! Well, never mind. Dib dib? Is your uh, is your chiropractor interested in... acupuncture, ay? meridians, ay', he asked him knowingly?

Chiropractor’s Receptionist: Acupuncture?

CAM Patient: Prick, prick, grin grin, wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more?

Chiropractor’s Receptionist: For pain relief, eh?

CAM Patient: Could be, could be for pain relief. Or other illnesses casused by blockages or imbalances in Qi?

Chiropractor’s Receptionist: No, no I'm afraid we don't have any needles.

CAM Patient: Oh.(leeringly) Still, mooooooh, ay? Mwoohohohohoo, ay? Hohohohohoho, ay?

Chiropractor’s Receptionist: Look... do you want alternative therapy?

CAM Patient: Oh, no, no, no... yes.

Chiropractor’s Receptionist: Well?

CAM Patient: Well, you're a man of the world, squire.

Chiropractor’s Receptionist: Yes...

CAM Patient: I mean, you've been around a bit, you know, like, you've, uh... You've 'done it'...

Chiropractor’s Receptionist: What do you mean?

CAM Patient: Well, I mean like,... you've been treated by a chiropractor...

Chiropractor’s Receptionist: Yes...

CAM Patient: Does it actually work?


Anonymous said...

I'm officially throwing in the towel at this CAM/Python business. This is just brilliant.

David Colquhoun said...

Hehe that sounds eerily like my real life conversations with two chiropractors.

The GCC are working (slowly) on a complaint about them.

Michael Kingsford Gray said...


Pekka S said...

Excellent stuff!

Marcusbailius said...

Oh my goodness... "An anecdote is as good as a clinical trial to a desperate patient!"

That is simply brilliant.

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