Friday 2 December 2011

Make Your Very Own Clarksonator

To make your very own Clarksonator, you will need:

  • 3 Sheets of Paper
  • Some Cardboard
  • 2 brass paper fasteners
  • Scissors
  • Stapler
  • Pritt Stick
  • A Sharp Pencil
  • A Computer and Printer
  • A Sense of Humour
  • Time on Your Hands
  • Poor Taste

  1. Print out the above Clarksonator and paste it onto a sheet of thin cardboard.
  2. Cut out a second piece of card the same size to use for the backing.
  3. Cut out the rectangular windows in the front card. You may need to get James May to help you with this bit.
  4. Print out the "Target Wheel" below and paste it onto some card and cut it into a circle.
  5. Using the sharp pencil, make a hole in the centre of the "Target Wheel" and another hole where indicated on the Clarksonator.
  6. Insert the "Target Wheel" between the front and back of the Clarksonator and push the paper fastener through. Open out the fastener at the back and ensure the wheel spins correctly.
  7. Next print out the "Retribution Wheel" shown below and paste it to some cardboard and insert it into the Clarksonator.
  8. Staple the edges of the Clarksonator ensuring not to staple the wheels.
Target Wheel
Retribution Wheel

"The Clarksonator works a treat, the other day I saw some vegetarians, so I consulted my Clarksonator and told them that they should be made into pies and eaten by John Prescott. It was really funny, me and Hammond laughed about it for hours"
James May, Broadcaster


ivan said...

Surely one of the categories on the blue wheel should be "Cyclists".

Crispian Jago said...


Bugger. Good Point, I'll add cyclists

Neuroskeptic said...

You're nothing but a plagiarist Crispin.

You clearly ripped this off from the original Clarksonator that the BBC have been using to write Clarkson's lines for the past 20 years.

Flathead said...

Enjoyed the joke that Clarkson doesn't know the difference between breaks and brakes. I suppose when you're whizzing round an empty London, you don't need the latter.

Crispian Jago said...


Alas that was just me being retarded