Who You Gonna Call? (A brief guide to finding the right person to exorcise unwanted spirits, ghosts and daemons from your home.)

For centuries we have experienced emotive paranormal experiences in our homes where the spirit world overlaps with our own. Numerous scientists have been systematically dismissive about many of the multitude of reports of hauntings, paranormal activities and the general feeling of the presence of spirits in our homes yet they have failed to provide believable scientific explanations for such phenomenon. However, most of us have either experienced something ourselves, or know someone who has experienced or felt an eerie atmosphere that simply cannot be explained by conventional science.

Such activity may be related to a property sitting on a ley line where mystical energy may be concentrated thus allowing spirts to pass more freely into our world. Hauntings are often also caused by a traumatic death or suicide in the property where the soul has been unable to find peace and under certain conditions may be witnessed still trapped between our worlds. Many curiosities may also be related to other-worldly entities such as angels, sprites of even piskies. Such inexplicable activity is less frequently reported as many of those witnessing such ineffable creatures fear ridicule or reprisal from their more closed-minded friends and acquaintances.

Traditionally the church has used priests to exorcise evil spirits or demons from our homes but as there is such a plethora of metaphysical disturbances causing these various phenomena, a more specific skill is frequently required to correctly target the appropriate miscreant and successfully cleanse the house. Thanks to the advent of the internet it is now possible to more easily find clairvoyants, ghost hunters, psychics’, cryptozoologists and exorcists who can appropriately coax the mystical entities away.

The key therefore to successfully purging your house is therefore in identify the specific type of paranormal activity you have in order to select the correct professional to call. This article outlines four of the most common types of hauntings, disturbances and presences and then identifies the best professional suited for that particular phenomenon.


1. Energy Phantasmas.

Energy phantasmas are a common cause of many hauntings. Essentially, outer-bodied phantasmas from another plane can use their energy to effect physical objects in our world. This often manifests itself in mystical events such as the lights unexpectedly dimming or flashing or even turning themselves on or off without any human interventions. Such entities may also cause certain appliances to stop working or work intermittently or unpredictably. The best type of professional for inexplicable phenomena such as this is an NICEIC certified electrician.

2. Whomping Wraiths.

Whomping wraiths are disruptive spirits who delight in causing mischief and disruption. People are often alerted to their presence by a haunting metallic banging sound often within the walls of the house or even under the floorboards. Whomping wraiths can bang and rattle for hours without any visible evidence of their presence, however they can be easily exorcised and banished from most houses by a competent plumber.

3. Eerie Atmospheres.

Eerie atmospheres are left in the wake of demonic fallen angels as they pass through the worlds leaving their lingering stench behind them. They can be detected by their distinctive smell and are often accompanied by a euphoric satanic state of consciousness designed to lure you into their fiendish underworld. Such creatures are highly dangerous and if you detect one in your house you should call a Corgi registered gas engineer as soon as possible.

4. Cornish Piskies.

Cornish Piskies are prankish magical creatures that scurry about in the loft or cellar, steal food and often leave a magical trail of small brown crumbs. They are best eradicated by a rodent control specialist.

Hauntings my arse.
@Crispian_Jago
June 2019