Spine Wizards and other Woo-Woo Therapists

Some time ago I heard Robin Ince refer to chiropractors as “Spine Wizards”, and I’m glad to see that the term seems to be picking up a bit of currency recently. I assume Robin coined the phrase, let me know if you think otherwise.

Anyway, this got me to wondering if we could think up some more good terms for the other alternative therapies. Here’s a few suggestions to get you started. Please fell free to post your suggestions in the comments field.


Buggeropathy v. colonic irrigation. To shove a garden hose up ones jacksie

Decashification n. detoxification. A cunning marketing ploy involving eating less and spending more.

Dilution Druid n. homeopath. One who prepares impotent quacksalvers with no memory of the bullshit it once contained.

Foot Wanker n. reflexologist. A medical numpty with a foot fetish under the misapprehension that the feet are connected to the pancreas.

Juju Jedi n. Reiki Master. One skilled in the ancient art of convincing the naïve minded that spiritual healing works and the laws of nature are wrong.

Prick Therapy n. acupuncture. The ancient Chinese martial art of stabbing people with small needles.

Quartz Quacks n. Crystal Therapist. A Woo-monger of immense gullibility prone to frequent misuse of the word “energy”.

Spine Wizard n. chiropractor. A caster of subluxation spells.

Wife Beating v. cupping. The pointless bruising of daft tarts.


Anymore?