Ideas for the Papal Visit

It been 30 years since the UK has been graced with a Papal visit. Should the Pope decide to grace the UK with his presence next year, we should ensure that we pull out all of the stops to ensure we have organised some suitable events to celebrate this auspicious occasion. I had a quick think about what we could organise and came up with the following 3 suggestions, but feel free to come up with some more.

Condom Parade

Rather like an American Ticker Tape parade, but with condoms instead of ticker tape. The Condom parade could be arranged for the Pope’s arrival, after his plane has landed and he’s given the tarmac a quick snog, he could be whipped to central London driven by Ariane Sherine in a “There’s Probably No God” Popemobile whereupon he will be showered with condoms. Perhaps one condom for every preventable death would be appropriate.

Celebrity Tag Team Wrestling

Debates where scientific knowledge is pitted against theological viewpoints are always doomed to failure. If scientific evidence, facts and reality can be simply trumped by the God card whenever those facts do not suitably align with the chosen texts and creeds of a given theology, there is little value in holding the debate. Therefore such matters should be settled by tag team wrestling. I think a really good crowd puller would be The Pope and Osama Bin Laden versus Richard Dawkins and Christopher Hitchens at the Royal Albert, who wouldn’t want to come and see the “Papal Brawl in the Hall”. The existence or non-existence of God could be settled once and for all by two pin falls, two submissions or a knock out.

The inaugural “UK’s Credulous Tit of the Year” award

Following the popularity of annual award ceremonies for films, TV, sports and music, The “Credulous Tit of the Year” will be an annual celebration of those individuals who have made a significant contribution to public misinformation. Those individuals who, through rigorous irrationality and uncritical thinking, have shamelessly and successfully aided and abetted the spread dangerous and inaccurate information, superstition and pseudoscience will be honoured in a lavished ceremony and presented with a prestigious Golden Gobshite award. Although Jeni Barnett started the year as the bookies firm favourite with her absurd regurgitated anti vaccination bile, Noel Edmonds and Adrian Pengelly seem to be making a late run for the title. Derren Brown also seems to be rather keen on throwing his hat in to the proceedings. Anyway, who better to host the ceremony than Pope Benedict XVI.

Any more ideas?