My Psychic Sally Toolkit

Poor old Psychic Sally Morgan has had a tough time lately.

After reports that a caller to an Irish radio show alleged that Sally was being fed information on stage via an earpiece, the media furor and sceptical enquiry that followed has no doubt been very trying for Sally.

To her credit though she is continuing to entertain vast crowds of believers at her lucrative live shows. Such performances no doubt take a considerable amount mental strain, so during these difficult times for Sally I thought I’d try and help ease the pressure.

The following table will provide 20³ unique combinations of fatuous flannel with which to entertain her adoring devotees. Simply select a random “fishing” statement from the first column and then based on the gender, age, ethnicity, fashion, accent and body language of the responder select a suitable “qualifier” statement from the second column. Finally select any random “appeasement” statement from the third column and the jobs a good’un.

Fish	Qualify	Appease
Something like “David”	Pain in the back	Passed quickly
A woman from the North	Loved children	Is in a better place
Someone with a “S” in their name	Had an accident	Says not to worry
A tall person	Became quite frail	Is much happier now
A sister	Incapacitated	Forgives you
Smells of flowers	On or near water	Says they're sorry
Always wears a dress	Cancer	Is happy for you
Unlucky in love	Hadn’t seem them for years	Is thinking of you
A Sagittarian	Had a big heart	Misses you
A very devout lady	Never a bad word to say	Says to look down the back of the sofa
With the initials J and C	Tends to worry a lot	Is glad to be with their spouse again
Born in the winter	Generous to a fault	Thinks this Psychic show is very good value for money
From a large family	Worked very hard	Says you’ll find someone soon
Has a blue car	Never had much money	Thinks you might have left the gas on
Gets indigestion from onions	Liked a drink	Is at peace
Likes soap operas	On or near water	Likes your hair
Recently bereaved	Smoked like chimney	Is no longer in pain
Has a short name with only 3 or 4 letters	Liked to Drive their motorbike very fast	Has nothing scientifically relevant to say that could confirm the existence of an afterlife
Little old lady	Got mutilated late last night	Werewolves of London again
Peoples Princess	Didn’t wear her seatbelt	Beware the horse-faced woman