Sunday, 6 November 2011

My Psychic Sally Toolkit


Poor old Psychic Sally Morgan has had a tough time lately.

After reports that a caller to an Irish radio show alleged that Sally was being fed information on stage via an earpiece, the media furor and sceptical enquiry that followed has no doubt been very trying for Sally.

To her credit though she is continuing to entertain vast crowds of believers at her lucrative live shows. Such performances no doubt take a considerable amount mental strain, so during these difficult times for Sally I thought I’d try and help ease the pressure.

The following table will provide 203 unique combinations of fatuous flannel with which to entertain her adoring devotees. Simply select a random “fishing” statement from the first column and then based on the gender, age, ethnicity, fashion, accent and body language of the responder select a suitable “qualifier” statement from the second column. Finally select any random “appeasement” statement from the third column and the jobs a good’un.

Fish
Qualify
Appease
Something like “David”
Pain in the back
Passed quickly
A woman from the North
Loved children
Is in a better place
Someone with a “S” in their name
Had an accident
Says not to worry
A tall person
Became quite frail
Is much happier now
A sister
Incapacitated
Forgives you
Smells of flowers
On or near water
Says they're sorry
Always wears a dress
Cancer
Is happy for you
Unlucky in love
Hadn’t seem them for years
Is thinking of you
A Sagittarian
Had a big heart
Misses you
A very devout lady
Never a bad word to say
Says to look down the back of the sofa
With the initials J and C
Tends to worry a lot
Is glad to be with their spouse again
Born in the winter
Generous to a fault
Thinks this Psychic show is very good value for money
From a large family
Worked very hard
Says you’ll find someone soon
Has a blue car
Never had much money
Thinks you might have left the gas on
Gets indigestion from onions
Liked a drink
Is at peace
Likes soap operas
On or near water
Likes your hair
Recently bereaved
Smoked like chimney
Is no longer in pain
Has a short name with only 3 or 4 letters
Liked to Drive their motorbike very fast
Has nothing scientifically relevant to say that could confirm the existence of an afterlife
Little old lady
Got mutilated late last night
Werewolves of London again
Peoples Princess
Didn’t wear her seatbelt
Beware the horse-faced woman

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